I am so sad to say that it's been a minute since I have been on here....I have felt too bad to even look up the site. I had succeeded in quitting for almost 2 months without a single smoke, even managing to stay quit after the sudden passing of my father-in-law in May not long after my quit journey started. Unfortunately, I received more bad news in July after finding out that one of my uncles who I am close to has been diagnosed with bowel cancer, and have been finding it difficult to deal with life in the pandemic, not being able to visit friends and family as normal and dealing with other strains and supporting by long term partner after his father's death. I think I became complacent and believed that I had quit for good and stopped the self care and good habits I had been growing to replace my nicotine addiction. As things started to slide and I felt more depressed and demotivated I began to back slide. First stealing a smoke from my partner in a stressful moment and kidding myself that it was just one, then just one in the evening after work and now.....you guessed it I am pretty much back to square one :( So angry with myself and also shocked at just how quickly the addiction can grip you again if you give it half a chance. I suppose I am sharing this as I try to get my head straight to tackle this again and try to regain the ground that I have lost...but also as a warning to others. Once you have quit DO NOT SMOKE EVER, even one puff is a risk and trust me the voices in your head may try to tell you that you are in control and it'll just be one or one here and there but it's never just one. Learn from my mistake, cos I sure hope I can! Gona try and stay positive, re-engage with the behaviours that got me quit in the first place and try and keep up the self care and work to turning this around. Wish me luck!
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