Stories & experiences

Jill67
5
Stories
27/12/2019
Joined

Tough Love Time

Posted in Staying quit 18 Jan 2020
14 Comments

Today I am 3 weeks smoke free and while I am angry at times, depressed, struggling...I know in my heart there is no going back, and after these three weeks, I no longer want to...but it wasn’t easy. Lately I have read about people waffling, questioning their resolve, even relapsing, and it has made me more angry for how much junkie thinking we have all bought into that would make us feel unsuccessful, less strong or less able.

When I was w my mom during her chemo( 2 pack a day smoker ending up w GI cancer) there was a young woman there. Extremely charismatic w a huge personality and a gorgeous colored scarf that covered her bald head. I remember her looking at pictures of her kids and grandchild and saying to us “how did I EVER think the cigarettes mattered?? How did I ever let them become more important then my babies??” I only saw her once as my mother passed 11 days later. I miss my mom every day. Fast forward to now, 13 years later... when I get a crave, or have a moment of doubt, I take several minutes and visualize the scenario in my mind....me sitting in front of my three sons, holding back tears as I try to explain to them that I am sorry that I will not be here to watch them grow up, marry, have children...because I decided that smoking cigarettes was more important to me then they were. I watch their faces break as I tell them that I hope they remember all the good times because we will have no future because I decided playing Russian roulette with every cigarette I smoked was worth the risk of having the one that set off a fatal disease in my body. I see my sons cry as I have to explain that I’m sorry but I loved my cigarette habit more...

I upset myself every time I see this, and with many craves, I see it clearly now, and it sickens me and angers me and strengthens my resolve even more.

We don’t have the luxury of waffling anymore people. We quit or we commit to a self induced suicide that will eventually hurt us, maybe fatally, and our loved ones. Pull up your pants, put your body armor on, and stand with all of us in this fight for our lives, and do not waver in your mind today. I guarantee you, the cancer or heart disease will not waver in our bodies!!!

I wake up every day...and say to myself...”How long do you wanna live??” And I make choices throughout the day to support my road to recovery, not question it!!

I will NOT smoke today! 21 days

This IS the fight of our loves- we need to respect ourselves more than the addiction, and WIN!!

Whose with me??

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14 Comments

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  • Red-67 January 18, 2020 | 6:38
    3 weeks ! ! That's great :)
    For many, myself included, week 2 and 3 are the breaking point. Almost like breaking out from a bad fever. Into week 4, I knew I was free. With your frame of mind, I imagine you will see the light soon :)
    Take all of what you just said, and add the everyday time, and money, we wasted, just to satisfy our addiction to smoking, that could have gone to much better things. Don't look back. You got this. There is only one successful QUIT.
  • Happiness January 18, 2020 | 7:29
    a beautiful story
  • Lando, Hunter New England January 18, 2020 | 8:25
    That's a mighty powerful image Jill67. I am absolutely with you. I will be here for my children, and for their children.

    No excuses. NOPE!
  • Safe2017 January 18, 2020 | 16:35
    Jill67, A great incentive to quit once and for all.
  • Nuts January 18, 2020 | 18:09
    Wow Jill. If that does'nt make everyone want to quit then nothing will. I am so proud of you. 😢💕
  • PuffNoMore, Southern NSW January 18, 2020 | 18:40
    Hi Jill.
    I think most of us can relate and remember our own parents, grand-parents, aunts and uncles who neglected their children because their smokes were more important.
    I'm sure smoking has touched almost every family somewhere down the line, just as your story has.
    Thank fully, ciggs are on the way out. (in most countries)

    Congrats on your 3 weeks.
  • Jill67 January 19, 2020 | 5:46
    Thanks everyone who commented! I didn’t mean to get on my high not smoking horse, but I’ve been struggling as well!! And when I jumped on and saw other people struggling, etc, it didn’t help me- it made me feel worse about my quit😖. So I got uppity and angry, and shared. It’ll be 22 days later today because I am in Philadelphia, PA. I am protecting this quit like its gold!!
  • Nuts January 19, 2020 | 9:55
    You go girl🤗💕
  • Nuts January 19, 2020 | 11:17
    Since i joined this wonderful forum just over a year ago, i have seen a lot of people come and go. We have had a lot of success stories and a lot of failures. You sound a bit angry at those who have failed . We are here for everyone who is struggling . If they have failed, it just means that they want to quit, but are not quite ready. I know that when they find the right mindset, they will be back to join us. They will have people like you to encourage them, and like you they will win. Stay positive with your quit sweetheart, and your story Will help others 🏁💕
  • bgpymont@yahoo.com.au, Northern NSW January 19, 2020 | 13:52
    Day 20 and i'm doing it with the help of you people thank you
  • Pisces24, Central Coast January 19, 2020 | 15:38
    Oh! WOW! Jill67 I'm with you. I'll remember your story in times of doubt.
    It is a hard road ahead but a good one.
    It is a road of many ups and downs but we can do it.
    Thank you for sharing your deepest heartfelt feelings with us all.
    Congratulations on your strong spirit and mindset to succeed. You will.🐟
  • PuffNoMore, Southern NSW January 20, 2020 | 1:26
    its ok to jump in with your feelings and thoughts about this stuff . I would think that alot of people have stood up to attention and taken notice with your post. It is tough love and some of us need the truth, as hard as it is, with guilt running through our brains. Its sometimes tough to remain an Ex-Smoker, but, We best not be thinking of one puff for too long. It'll drive us into a miserable life if we keep on desiring it. I know first hand that the desire does fade away in time.
    Its just a matter of time.
    For some it takes alot more than 3 weeks. some less.
    One thing we know for sure is that one puff MUST NOT happen.
    N.O.P.E (not one puff ever)
    Stay free my friends.
  • Jessica26 January 21, 2020 | 1:44
    This made me cry. I've been so selfish in a way choosing smokes over my health to stick around for my kids. I have 3 and 1 on the way. I lost my mom to non small cell lung cancer at the age of 23. She was only 43 when she passed. I watched her take in her last breath of life and it still has taken me 13 years since then to get my head right enough to finally draw the line and quit. Im only on day 7 quit but its been easier this time since my head is in the right place. I haven't thought about smokes like i have in the past. Im thankful I have found this support group and another one on facebook. Reading the successes every morning helps me to stay on the right path.
  • PuffNoMore, Southern NSW January 21, 2020 | 21:42
    stay on course
    NO MATTER WHAT

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