Today I am 3 weeks smoke free and while I am angry at times, depressed, struggling...I know in my heart there is no going back, and after these three weeks, I no longer want to...but it wasn’t easy. Lately I have read about people waffling, questioning their resolve, even relapsing, and it has made me more angry for how much junkie thinking we have all bought into that would make us feel unsuccessful, less strong or less able.
When I was w my mom during her chemo( 2 pack a day smoker ending up w GI cancer) there was a young woman there. Extremely charismatic w a huge personality and a gorgeous colored scarf that covered her bald head. I remember her looking at pictures of her kids and grandchild and saying to us “how did I EVER think the cigarettes mattered?? How did I ever let them become more important then my babies??” I only saw her once as my mother passed 11 days later. I miss my mom every day. Fast forward to now, 13 years later... when I get a crave, or have a moment of doubt, I take several minutes and visualize the scenario in my mind....me sitting in front of my three sons, holding back tears as I try to explain to them that I am sorry that I will not be here to watch them grow up, marry, have children...because I decided that smoking cigarettes was more important to me then they were. I watch their faces break as I tell them that I hope they remember all the good times because we will have no future because I decided playing Russian roulette with every cigarette I smoked was worth the risk of having the one that set off a fatal disease in my body. I see my sons cry as I have to explain that I’m sorry but I loved my cigarette habit more...
I upset myself every time I see this, and with many craves, I see it clearly now, and it sickens me and angers me and strengthens my resolve even more.
We don’t have the luxury of waffling anymore people. We quit or we commit to a self induced suicide that will eventually hurt us, maybe fatally, and our loved ones. Pull up your pants, put your body armor on, and stand with all of us in this fight for our lives, and do not waver in your mind today. I guarantee you, the cancer or heart disease will not waver in our bodies!!!
I wake up every day...and say to myself...”How long do you wanna live??” And I make choices throughout the day to support my road to recovery, not question it!!
I will NOT smoke today! 21 days
This IS the fight of our loves- we need to respect ourselves more than the addiction, and WIN!!
Whose with me??
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