Stories & experiences


I just want it gone

Posted in Getting started 28 Dec 2019

Hi All-

I have been stalking this site for the last 24 hours and decided to join because I know I am finally ready to quit nicotine and would appreciate support and friendship for my journey. I’ll share my highlights from a life of smoking and attempting to quit so you know my history. I have fought this nasty addiction for decades and am sick of it. I know that it will take me out if I do not quit.

Started smoking at 18- am currently 52. Pretty much a pack a day smoker until about 3 years ago.

Have been trying to quit all my life thru various methods..cold turkey, NRT losenges, medication. I successfully stopped for 3 years after getting hypnotized, but sadly saw a friends pack lying around, and out of sheer boredom, picked one up and started right back.

I have gone thru the first 3 days probably 10 times cold turkey pretty easily but have actually restarted every time after about a week because I was doing it successfully, and was actually afraid I might be successful!! How cray is that?? The long term fear that I could never have a cig again messed with my head and I would always lose the psychological battle.

I don’t mean to upset anyone but about 3 years ago, I went to vaping. While I still had cigs here and there, I vaped 95% of the time. To me, it was no different then a Nicotrol Inhaler. Being a jogger all of my life, I could exercise better and I no longer stank. What I realized though was I could vape where I couldn’t previously smoke so it became like a 3rd lung. I was vaping in the house, bathroom, car..places where I would never let myself smoke! I also noticed that I got vaper’s tongue where I could no longer differentiate any flavor on my tongue.

A week ago, I threw my vape, juice and all equipment away. I have been managing this week on the remaining tubes of Nic losenges that I had in the house. I have 3 or 4 4 mg losenges a day right now. I want to end all of it!! So my plan is to finish up the losenges and stop all of it. I will reread Allen Carr’s book this weekend and intend to be cold turkey within a couple days. I have cut down my coffee, removed all alcohol and bought lite cranberry juice. Anybody who feels that my story resonates with them, or can offer tips, advice or support- I appreciate it!! I need to beat this. This Time. Or I will die trying.

All of your stories and journeys give me such hope and strengthen my confidence. I am in awe and very jealous of all of you and your success!! Please help me to be successful too!

🙏 Thank you

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  • Happiness December 28, 2019 | 4:13
    Hi Jill. It seems that you are well prepared for this journey. In fact we could learn a lot from you. Given that you have read Allen Carr's book and that you already know that many won't read it in fear that they may quit. That also seems to be your stance as well. Perhaps as you read you are putting up some kind of wall or resistance to accepting the reality of becoming a non-smoker. It does sound silly, but we know that that is generally the crux of the problem. You have also been nicotine free several times over the years, so it is not fear of that.
    The good news is that each time you try to quit you get to know yourself better. It sounds like you are serious this time. I would bet that it could even be easy for you to quit, because you have in the past. The real problem then is remaining quit!
    You said you picked it up again after a couple of years out of boredom. We know that there is no such thing as having just one. Nope...not one puff ever...or find yourself back at day 1 in short order.

    Perhaps it would be more beneficial to find other things in your life that make you happy. Volunteer work, playing a game with a shut in, participating in a forum like this? Getting a pet, or finding a purpose in life could help to lessen the void that quitting smoking leaves.

    As a seasoned quitter, you know that there is absolutely no benefit to smoking. You are slave to a timetable of feeding the nicotine monster who in return steals you money, health, self confidence, while all the while systematically poisoning you. As a smoker, you have cravings several times a day, unless you are a chain smoker. Cravings are but mere thoughts and any physical symptoms can generally be eliminated with sleep, and a good diet. Cutting caffeine by half when we lower nicotine is a good practice.

    Keep reading Jill and let us know if there is something new that you might find helpful. We know you can quit smoking. Even you know that. Find the reasons to remain quit, which seems redundant given that there are no reasons at all to continue smoking .

    We advocate the "mindset" which you may possibly find new reasons to stay quit, or beneficial incentives to remain smoke free. Accepting the journey to a better you is generally what we try to coax newcomers to do. Have you joined a quit forum before? Perhaps feeling accountable to us would help? We even think it is a good practice to stay in touch after successfully becoming a non-smoker, just so you don't relapse as you did. Perhaps it may have made a difference.

    Anyone can quit smoking, even easily if you embrace the journey. Regain all that was lost. Be a winner, proud and free!
  • Robn December 28, 2019 | 10:34
    Hi Jill, great to hear that you are ready to change your life for the better, enjoying better health, more money and regaining your self esteem.
    I smoked for nearly 50 years.....too scared to quit...why?...because I was so convinced that my life without smoking would be miserable.
    Many many failed quit attempts...but deep down I always wanted to stop. Once the right mindset kicked in....there was no turning back. Nearly 600 days quit now and life is so much better. My every move is not ruled by smoking....we don’t realise how much of our day is planned around smoking.
    If you really want to will. There really is no such thing as temptation if you are truly wanting to stop. Take one day at a time...just get through today.
    If you can commit to have won the battle. And really it isn’t a battle because you are doing what you want to do. Go you.....keep posting and reading on this site for support.
  • Nuts December 28, 2019 | 10:36
    Hi Jill and welcome. Joining this forum definitely helped me to quit. E eryone was so nice and i didnt want to fail and let my new friends down. Dont be afraid of being smoke free. Embrace it. Think of the positives and move forward. We talk a lot about mindset because its so important to believe that you can do it. If you truly want to quit, then you will. I think that you will do it this time because you really want to. I believe in you 👍🤗
  • Pisces24, Central Coast December 28, 2019 | 20:39
    Hi Jill67. I'm here for you. You are no different from any of us.
    We all understand each other as we wanted to QUIT it didn't really know how...we'll help you may friend and we're here for you.
    There's a lot to learn here. Its all good.
    Keep on not smoking
  • Pisces24, Central Coast December 28, 2019 | 20:39
    Hi Jill67. I'm here for you. You are no different from any of us.
    We all understand each other as we wanted to QUIT it didn't really know how...we'll help you may friend and we're here for you.
    There's a lot to learn here. Its all good.
    Keep on not smoking
  • PuffNoMore, Southern NSW December 28, 2019 | 21:15
    Hi Jill
    Some of us only gave up smoking once. But I like you have given up plenty of times. And it can knock the motivation around a fair bit when we succumb to the calling of a puff, its back to the drawing, smoking and worrying board.
    Every success story you can read on here has started from day one. So stay here with us and get that motivation to gain your freedom from the stupid smokes. So many people struggle at first, but as the days go by, they soon realize that it gets easier.
    Say good riddance to the filth and say welcome to your health and bank balance!
  • Pisces24, Central Coast December 28, 2019 | 21:55
    Stay with us Jill. We all had no self confidence and strength in believing in ourselves.
    Hey! Look at us now. I couldn't go one day 47 years years without a cigarette..
    Keep focused. Read the Allen Carr book.
    Love life and love your good self
  • Jill67 December 28, 2019 | 23:39
    Thank you everyone for reaching out and offering tips and words of encouragement! It is the weekend, and I have a book to reread. My losenges will be gone by end of day so timing is perfect. I’m still figuring out this site but I am here with you all and I appreciate you taking the time to support me!!
  • Pisces24, Central Coast December 29, 2019 | 6:35
    You won't be sorry.
  • Nuts December 29, 2019 | 11:00
    You can do it sweetheart. Stay strong 🤗
  • Happiness December 30, 2019 | 10:47
    You can see that you have a lot of support.
    You CAN do this!
  • Jill67 January 01, 2020 | 4:58
    I’m doing it!! I am Day 3 nicotine free and am really excited! I actually caught a virus a day or so ago and that has actually made me really tired so I am sleeping a lot. Not a bad thing as I haven’t wanted to or missed smoking or even a losenge! I am really excited for 2020 and am committed to staying nicotine free!!
  • Happiness January 01, 2020 | 18:20
    Whoo hoo. I am so excited that you are so excited that i can't even type fast enough!!!
    Wow you're nailing it Jill. You've researched done your homework and make a plan. You're sticking with it and got it down. Hour by hour or minute by minute if need be, then go to bed early and tomorrow morning you should be coming out the other side. If you are truly as excited to be a non=smoker as you lead me to believe, you may even be like me and have no cravings. It is possible. I am proof. Pisces has proved that once the mindset takes hold, coming off of nicotine may have no effect. Nicotine has nothing on those who know its ugly secrets. We can and have broken free. You can too.
  • Jill67 January 02, 2020 | 1:32
    Thanks Happiness and Happy New Year!!
    I am excited but extremely cautious..I haven’t really had any cravings which is great but also scary. I know that the psychological battle for me is much harder. The staying quit is the difficult part but I am really proud of myself today and I will not smoke today🤗
  • Happiness January 03, 2020 | 6:05
    You just tell yourself that you won't smoke today and before you know it a month, then a year will have elapsed. One day at a time is fine. It works!
  • Happiness January 03, 2020 | 8:03
    Perhaps you could answer a couple of questions and enlighten me. You have quit several times before, so after 3 days off of nicotine, are you usually without cravings in the past? Was it any easier coming off the nicotine this time around?

    I don't believe you can tell the difference between a nicotine craving or a psychological one. If I had read Allen Carr before i had quit, i would have read where nicotine cravings are almost imperceptible and maybe i wouldn't have experienced any, just as Pisces did not coming of the patch. I on the other hand, thought i would experience worse than mere thoughts, did have cravings as desire to smoke those first three days, but none after that since truly wanting to quit smoking. It would be nice to prove it for ourselves here. While I believe Allen Carr, there is absolutely no exchange of money for us here to influence outcome.

    If anyone else has a story of little or no cravings, I am sure we would all sit up and take notice if not notes! Let us know what you attribute to your easy quit.

    Jill, you also mentioned vaping. Did you ever have any desire to use it as an Nrt? Just wondering if perhaps that was the original intention? Do you think that even had that been the case you would have found it too easy to just continue smoking? We would never be judgemental to someone who vaped and wants off of nicotine. In fact we want to encourage the full deal, not half measures. Freedom from Nicotine is true freedom!

    My other question of vaping is about your lack of tasting the flavours of vaping on your tongue. Vapor's tongue i think you called it. Does this also affect the taste of food. Is it temporary or can it be permanent.

    Any thing that you would like to inform us on vaping and quitting nicotine may be useful information for us in the future. While we did have some vaping quests who wanted to promote their product, they were not much interested in giving us support or information. They were definitely not interested in us using their product as an nrt. Had they been so, they would have made that clear from the beginning. We should think that all here would welcome anyone who wants to be free of nicotine addiction.

    Thanks in advance for your answers and support.
  • Jill67 January 04, 2020 | 15:16
    Hi Happiness,

    Thanks for reaching out! You asked a lot of questions and I will try to answer them all and be succinct as well!
    First of all...I am 7 days nicotine free today and it amazes me how quickly it went! I did not have cravings the first 3 days, and have found the initial withdrawal period to be pretty effortless previously, and did again this time. I had previously read Allen Carr’s book and reread it again. Logically, it just always smacks me so hard, that I feel stupid for wanting to smoke, you know?
    Where I have lost my quit previously is after the physical withdrawal ends, but the psychological demon is still very much alive. I romanticize the one cigarette, I get bored at times, or triggered, and I lapse. It does help me to mentally just quit for the day, every day, because the rest of my life is too much to manage.
    You asked about my vaping. I originally started vaping as a way to quit cigarettes. I did look at it as a step down, or type of nrt at first, with wanting to quit that as well eventually. And it did get me off cigs within 24 hours. But then I just enjoyed that and forgot bout trying to quit for a couple of years. It want until the last 6 months that I realized how much vaping had really just replaced my smoking. But I realized that I was vaping lol day long...that my Nicotine addiction was still running my life. It also got to a point where I didn’t feel as good physically anymore so I knew it all had to end. I would get vapor’s tongue off and on, but I pretty much had it solid for the last few months. Kind of like a coated tongue that always tastes rotten. The flavors you vape all taste off, or muted, or stale. Food and drink as well tastes off. It’s this constant wanting to clean your mouth. It is not permanent as far as I know, but I seemed to get it a lot. Part of that was because being a previous smoker, I vaped differently then younger people. I vaped like I smoked. Inhale into mouth, and then inhale second into lungs, like a cigarette. The younger people vape the correct way for the most part- inhale once direct into lungs, So it’s not coating their tongue. They tend not to treat vaping like its a cig so the experience is different. I absolutely think it’s a great stepping stone for stopping nicotine if that is your final goal. For those that aren’t wanting to quit nicotine, but want to stop smoking, I see that too. I hope some of what I said helps!
  • Happiness January 08, 2020 | 9:22
    Yes it does help and thank you for answering the questions. While vaping could be used as an nrt, I just find it similar and as most people quit because of expense or health, they feel it is a compromise worth taking. But that is the word , and crux of the thing, it is a compromise. Most were up in arms because this is a quit smoking site, whether they believe that vaping is not smoking or not. People here have already decided they want to quit smoking, and the fact that it is not even legal to vape with nicotine in Australia just compounded the situation. As i explained before, no offense to vapers, and those that did come that night, i hope will take in our belief in things. We choose not to put anything in our lungs and we want to take back our lives from the demands of nicotine. Congratulations to you for coming to that choice as well. I hope your tongue recovers from the experience and I hope vaping is safer than cigarette smoking, but the verdict is still out.

    I am glad you are finding the journey relatively easy. Sometimes life gets in the way of things we want to do, but please find the time to stay in touch and stay free this time. I am sure you have lots of advice for members and hope you will take part in that on an on going basis. That's what I call a win-win.

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