Luke Warm Turkey

I WILL QUIT (or "Luke Warm Turkey"). I decided to quit a long, long time ago. It's now been months, many months and deciding that I WILL QUIT is where it began.

I began by "trigger jumping" - randomly breaking the habit of smoking eg: coffee as the sun rose, cold beer at a BBQ etc. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months I found I was consciously lighting up - and I did so, unashamedly. I'm a smoker and I'm having a smoke. Now this sounds bullish, even arrogant, but I changed it from "hiding behind bushes indulging in a filthy habit with no self control" to "I am having a smoke now, deal with it".

BUT it now meant I was in control of when I lit up - not the atmosphere, the place or the fact an ashtray became available... or I was allowed outside to do so.

Once I proved to myself that -I- chose when I smoked, I then gave that very control away. Yes, this is getting weird right? But no, I simply replaced "my control" with a "time trigger"- whereas above I did NOT respond to "triggers" I then trained myself to respond TO triggers and I did it with an electronic timer.

I became one of Pavlovs' Dogs, watching the timer, salivating, my next smoke will be in 10,9,8... Have smoke, come back inside, reset the timer, 59:59, 59:58. That's excessive isn't it, 1 every hour!? Sure... BUT.... after one week you need to ADD ONE MINUTE. You won't even notice. Last I checked I was out to 230 something minutes - roughly 4 hours. (You start at whatever your MINIMUM time between smokes is on the weekend. Sure you might not smoke for 4 hours at work but you make up for it right?)

And here I am, since Tuesday I have not had a smoke at all. Wait? Since Tuesday? (6th Feb' 2018). Are you mad? You've only just quit!!

Yes. As I write it's (only) been 4 full days, the urges are strong, the symptoms are distressing. I'm hungry, grumpy, hot, cold, foggy headed, tired (sleep??). I'm walking on eggshells, my head is in cotton wool. I'm thirsty, I'm shaking. BUT... I am right where I planned to be. I knew I would be here - in this state. There are no surprises and there will be no turning back. I'm staying here.

I HAVE QUIT. Not "I am quitting" or "I am trying to quit". In amongst this fluffy, confused, unsure state, is a clear, lucid, unmistakable resolve. Now many here, supporters, tryers and successes might be sympathetically nodding "Oh boy... it's only been 4 days". You may even think this is premptive, arrogant, rash, foolhardy, too early... and you'd be wrong. I HAVE QUIT.

I didn't decide to quit 4 days ago, I made the decision MONTHS ago. I simply finished the plan 4 days ago. All I have to do now is finish this little story and my 40 year habit is consigned to history.

And I, as well as you, understand exactly what I'm doing don't you?

Thank you for listening.