Stories & experiences

Fullofhope
South Eastern Sydney
31
Stories
28/08/2015
Joined

Aarrgh

Posted in Quit experiences 15 Oct 2015
6 Comments

There has never been a time yet when I felt that I was out of danger but I did hope that by Day 54 I would be starting to feel better. I had a seriously awful day yesterday with tears aplenty for no particular reason. I did the best I could and went to bed early with a sleeping pill. For some peculiar reason, I didn't sleep but did a good meditation this morning to make up for my tiredeness. Then today I had a showdown at work and I just lost it - tears, swearing, stamping of feet and then a long walk with a sympathetic colleague after I threatened that I would quite like a cigarette.

I knew I wasn't going to have a cigarette - but I really, really felt like it. I think it was a bit of a cry for help to those around me, saying "Listen, this aint easy". I suppose, as I have read often on this site, I just have to get through those stressful situations without a cigarette despite the fact that it is the first thing which pops into my mind. I am very resolved but I really wish it might become easier. A friend told me recently that weeks six to twelve were bad but I have heard so many different stories, I suppose I can only track my own one.

It's always good to come here and renew my determination.

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6 Comments

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  • Dottily October 15, 2015 | 19:19
    Hi Fullofhope, well done on being so determined! Quitting certainly is an emotional roller coaster ride, tears, anger, bargaining, and joy when you don't give in. I hope this will help in some way. I don't think there's a point where you suddenly think, that's it, I've done it, I've quit. But it honestly does get easier, maybe not on a day to day basis, but in the journey overall. I quit over two years ago, had to check "my journey" for number of days. 829. Wow. It gradually gets easier to respond to stress or other triggers without buying into the thought "I need a smoke", rather acknowledging " this is when I used to smoke". I had a proud moment recently when a work colleague asked to borrow my lighter, and I just responded "sorry I don't smoke". No hesitation, just truth.

    I'm very interested, I know you mentioned meditating with Headspace, brilliant life changing app. Have you used the little three minute SOS meditations to cope with cravings, so wish I'd known about it a couple of years back!

  • Dottily October 15, 2015 | 21:15
    Hi Fullofhope, well done on being so determined! Quitting certainly is an emotional roller coaster ride, tears, anger, bargaining, and joy when you don't give in. I hope this will help in some way. I don't think there's a point where you suddenly think, that's it, I've done it, I've quit. But it honestly does get easier, maybe not on a day to day basis, but in the journey overall. I quit over two years ago, had to check "my journey" for number of days. 829. Wow. It gradually gets easier to respond to stress or other triggers without buying into the thought "I need a smoke", rather acknowledging " this is when I used to smoke". I had a proud moment recently when a work colleague asked to borrow my lighter, and I just responded "sorry I don't smoke". No hesitation, just truth.

    I'm very interested, I know you mentioned meditating with Headspace, brilliant life changing app. Have you used the little three minute SOS meditations to cope with cravings, so wish I'd known about it a couple of years back!

  • Kazzy October 15, 2015 | 23:39
    Well done fullofhope, it really is a roller coaster! I'm on day 66 and still struggle 5 out of 7 days! I have an asd daughter so my life is pretty stressful most of the time. Some days I have been really teary too? My husband is still smoking and we use to smoke & chat together to relax, but I know I can never go back! It's good to hear how the others feel later down the track it inspires me knowing I may feel the same in awhile. I thought at this stage surely I wouldn't miss it still but i do! I do a little meditation and it helps a lot! Good luck, keep going strong😀
  • shasha October 16, 2015 | 2:01
    wow, i feel your pain.You might as well have been describing my day except i surpressed it with a zanex..however in my experience the tears will come. Thanks for posting so honestly and well done for not smoking x
  • Nannette, Hunter New England October 16, 2015 | 5:21
    Good morning Fullofhope , the good news is it is a new day and given yesterday things can only get better. I really feel your pain for yesterday and I think all of us on this journey can understand your exasperation yesterday. It's sooo weird wanting a dart sooo bad yet knowing that even if one was put in front of you, that you wouldn't smoke it anyway. I reckon yesterday was 54 days of that feeling of frustration , anyway sounds like you sprayed them at work and I reckon your colleagues will be very beautiful and understanding from here on in. I just want to give you a HUGE HUG and say well done.

    You are going so well and you have to do some air punches for your sheer determination in getting so far. I just know that you will be back on this site celebrating 60 , 70, 80, 90 and 100 days and beyond, because as much as you would like a dart . You are to STUBBORN and full of too much pride to even contemplate one.

    Sooooo get your disco gear out and dance around the kitchen to the legendary John Travolta singin STAYIN ALIVE . Caus that's what we are doing we are STAYIN alive for a lot longer .i was driving home from work yesterday and that song came on the radio, well I cranked it up , sang my heart out and laughed. My proverbial off. Ha ha ha ha ..........STAYIN alive ........ Oh yeah .lol you will be alright better days to come. We can beat this.xxxxxx
  • Fullofhope, South Eastern Sydney October 16, 2015 | 19:32
    Thank you everyone for your words of sympathy, empathy, encouragement and humour. It really does help. As we all know, there are plenty of people around us who respect what we are doing but most of them have no idea whatsoever about the day-today reality of it. I'll post separately about today :(

    Stayin Alive ... here's my story about that song. I am 52 years old and used to listen to the 'album' in my bedroom with my friends when I was at school. I still have Bee Gees on my iPod but don't admit that so often. About two months ago I went into a hipster cafe and started to read a book about giving up smoking. There was hardly anyone there and all I could really hear was techno music and the cook and the waiter having a chat. Then 'Stayin Alive' came on the soundtrack. The twenty-something, hipster waiter said to the cook 'this is so cool' and the cook said 'can you believe it, they're Australian'. The waiter asked where he could go and see them play. I was so glad that, thirty-odd years down the track, I was cool!

    So, it is playing loud as I type this. Onwards and upwards.

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