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I have to do this. I'm 24, soon I'll be 25 and that means I've been smoking for 7 years. Why can't I do this? I can't help it, not on my own. Maybe I can, but it doesn't feel like it.
I remember the day, the day I started. 27/12/2013. Two days before I began destroying myself was Christmas day, I'd separated from the first girl I had ever dated. Not something one forgets, perhaps, it's just me. It was a tough time, I had nowhere to go, where are your friends when you need them the most? I had no one. I bought my first packet of Bond St.6 years on, Christmas has just passed and I am still smoking. I would love to blame her, yet I can see clearly, this is my own fault. I've tried to quit, so many times. I remember I quit for two months when I was 20, I should've kept going, but my mate has the most amazing smelling Winfield Reds. Lo and behold, I was a smoker once more. Dad smoked. Dad smoked his whole life, he must've spent millions on smokes, but he's paying for it now.Emphysema, mini strokes, small vein disease, the usual suspects. He says, "Don't smoke mate, you'll end up like me". He's my hero, my dad. Ending up like him used to be a dream of mine, but I'm 24 and I'm going to lose my dad within 12 months. How do I prepare for that? I can see when he goes, the first thing I'll do, is have a smoke. What other coping mechanisms are there when you're young? A run down the beach? I can't, I can't bloody breathe anymore. Talk to someone? Who is there for you when you're young? No, I'll probably have a smoke.
The doctors don't help, if you think they do, please give me their number. Discounted nicotine products, reasons to quit, health benefits. That's all fine and dandy, thank you doctor, but I still can't kick it. I'm having a smoke as I write. I don't even know what I'm writing for. This is the only hope I have. I'm writing this behind my cigarettes back, once it finds out, it'll kill me.
Please ICanQuit Fairy, help me.
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