Stories & experiences

butchmillr
Mid North Coast
3
Stories
26/01/2020
Joined

Why Can't I Do This

Posted in Getting started 26 Jan 2020
10 Comments

Dearest Strangers, 

I have to do this. I'm 24, soon I'll be 25 and that means I've been smoking for 7 years. Why can't I do this? I can't help it, not on my own. Maybe I can, but it doesn't feel like it. 

I remember the day, the day I started. 27/12/2013. Two days before I began destroying myself was Christmas day, I'd separated from the first girl I had ever dated. Not something one forgets, perhaps, it's just me. It was a tough time, I had nowhere to go, where are your friends when you need them the most? I had no one. I bought my first packet of Bond St.6 years on, Christmas has just passed and I am still smoking. I would love to blame her, yet I can see clearly, this is my own fault. I've tried to quit, so many times. I remember I quit for two months when I was 20, I should've kept going, but my mate has the most amazing smelling Winfield Reds. Lo and behold, I was a smoker once more. Dad smoked. Dad smoked his whole life, he must've spent millions on smokes, but he's paying for it now.Emphysema, mini strokes, small vein disease, the usual suspects. He says, "Don't smoke mate, you'll end up like me". He's my hero, my dad. Ending up like him used to be a dream of mine, but I'm 24 and I'm going to lose my dad within 12 months. How do I prepare for that? I can see when he goes, the first thing I'll do, is have a smoke. What other coping mechanisms are there when you're young? A run down the beach? I can't, I can't bloody breathe anymore. Talk to someone? Who is there for you when you're young? No, I'll probably have a smoke. 

The doctors don't help, if you think they do, please give me their number. Discounted nicotine products, reasons to quit, health benefits. That's all fine and dandy, thank you doctor, but I still can't kick it. I'm having a smoke as I write. I don't even know what I'm writing for. This is the only hope I have. I'm writing this behind my cigarettes back, once it finds out, it'll kill me. 

Please ICanQuit Fairy, help me. 

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10 Comments

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  • Red-67 January 27, 2020 | 0:11
    What made you think, 7 years ago, that a smoke would change anything. At that time, we all knew just how bad smoking was for you. Many of us started 40 and 50 years ago, and even then, it was a stupid thing to do, but everybody around us smoked, and we did not know what we know now. When you really get serious, and really WANT to quit, you will. It's just a matter of taking control of your mind, and changing the way you think. We can do that. It's the difference between us, and the rest of the animals.
    I smoked a pack a day, for 45+ years, but when I decided I wanted to quit, I did. Sure, a miserable few weeks of withdrawal, but then freedom from the slavery of being addicted to smoking. You CAN do it too. Right now, you are just saying the words. Make up your mind. Do you want to quit, or do you want to remain a stupid slave to a little tube of tobacco ?? Do it now, while you are still young, and can recover from the damage done. Many of us, waited too long for a full recovery, but it is still worth it to breathe better, taste food better, smell better, and pocket more money.
    Read stories here. Find the link to Allen Carr's book, The Easy Way To stop smoking. It has helped many. It can be as easy as you make it. You just have to get serious, and make up your mind, that you don't WANT them any more.!
  • Jill67 January 27, 2020 | 1:02
    Hi butchmillr,

    You have to really want it for yourself to be successful, but it is in you, and everyone else, to be successful. I was a pack a day for 32 years and then a vaper for 3. I got to a point in the last few years where I’d just tell people “I’m either gonna quit, or I’m gonna die trying.” So true.
    When I hear people talk like you - it scares me that as nicotine addicts, we have given up our power...our control. When we allow smoking to continue, we become victims to its side affects and give up control of our bodies and our health. We allow the addiction to control us and we live in fear. The worst decisions we ever make are out of fear.
    You must take control back of your life and believe that you are more powerful than the addiction. You have an extremely rough road ahead as you watch your father’s health continue to spiral. You have the chance to not only support him, but to honor him as well. When you make the choice to end this habit, you honor his spirit while he is alive, and after he passes. And you get the gift of living healthier and free. You can DO it. You have to BELIEVE in YOU!!
  • Happiness January 27, 2020 | 1:31
    let your father go in peace knowing that you will be free of the curse of nicotine'. Read thevbook, and you may even find it easy like mysellf or Pisces did. Red and others enen found it easy once they found the positive mindset. You can too. Believe it and it can be so!
  • PiyushInd January 27, 2020 | 3:40
    Sorry to hear about your dad's health. Whatever is written is going to happen and you or anyone else cannot alter it.
    . All you can do is make him happy by letting him know that you did what he couldn't i.e. getting free from slavery of that useless stick.

    I am sure he would be extremely proud of you if you could manage that. Smoking is not going to help reduce your stress, rather it would multiply it. Remeber that if we call can quit after smoking for so many years, so can you !! Just make up your mind and work on it one day at a time.
  • PiyushInd January 27, 2020 | 3:40
    Sorry to hear about your dad's health. Whatever is written is going to happen and you or anyone else cannot alter it.
    . All you can do is make him happy by letting him know that you did what he couldn't i.e. getting free from slavery of that useless stick.

    I am sure he would be extremely proud of you if you could manage that. Smoking is not going to help reduce your stress, rather it would multiply it. Remember that if we call can quit after smoking for so many years, so can you !! Just make up your mind and work on it one day at a time.
  • Leeann , Central Coast January 27, 2020 | 8:35
    Welcome butchmillr, I am sorry to hear about your dad's health.

    Sorry to say, but you are acting like a passenger in your own life. You are not a passenger, you have the control. Jump into the drivers seat and you make the choice, do you really want to quit? If so all you need is the desire to quit more than you want to smoke. Yes read the Allen Carr book it has huge success on helping people with their mindset. I get it that it's not always easy for everyone to quit, and I have had more starts than Pharlap. You honestly just have to make up your mind, get deadly serious about it and simply decide NO MORE. It is nothing more than a vile addiction that gives you nothing, but takes away everything from you. Just see those nasty little poison sticks for what they are. You can do this, you just have to really want it is all.
  • softly40, Mid North Coast January 27, 2020 | 8:49
    The first thing to realize butchmillr is that you are treating the cigarette like your friend, I did this for so many years when I lost my partner. He was also my friend in our relationship.

    Your reading needs to include how Nicotine, is destroying you, and how you can clearly identify your need, mentally with true friendship. Once you have done this, you can start on the journey to bring peace into your life.

    Nicotine is not your friend. Let it go. Start Learning, and stay close to the forum others can help you distinguish your pain with another perspective.
  • Nuts January 27, 2020 | 12:26
    Yes it will kill you mate. Do you really want to be like your dad. Do you think that he would want you to be like him. You are so young. Quit now before its too late. You cant expect doctors to help you unless you help yourself. There is help in the form of NRTs, but they must be used properly. Cigarettes are not nice. They are not your friend. Deep down you know that. Make a quit plan and stick to it. The smoke free days fly by and become easier and easier. You can do it 🤗💕🏁
  • keepsmiling89 January 28, 2020 | 9:03
    Hi! I know that you might feel like your story is an unique one, but it's not, which is a very good information for you, because now you know that you're not alone, many walked the same road, some of them reached the goal, some not. Remember that nicotine is one of the most addictive substance in the world, it's legal, and smoking still is very common and normal thing. So if your dad, mates and half of other surrounding people smokes, why wouldn't you? The cause why you started is irrelevant, you would do it no matter what. So now, when you can finally stop feel sorry for yourself or blaming others, you can start to do something with this. I would not recommend vaping, e-cigs can help you slowly limit nicotine intake, but they're not eliminating the phisical addiction, you will still follow the same ritual, which is an easy way for a relaps. As other people wrote here, make a quit plan and prepare yourself for this. If, you're afraid of gain weigh, rethink your diet first, and if you need, change it before quiting, because to do both things is almost impossible . I can recommend you a book - net-boss.org/the-easiest-way-to-quit-smoking-for-life, you can check some apps, which are helpful in maintaining the plan. What might cheer you up, when you finally clean your body from nicotine and other residues, you can start to realise, that smokes stinks so much, and they are not tasty at all ;)
  • Happiness January 28, 2020 | 13:02
    pleasee dont address us strangers as we know exactly how you feel and think about smoking. remember that we are more friends right now than nicotine will ever be to you.

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