Stories & experiences


The wee hours of a cold dark night

Posted in Staying quit 04 Sep 2019

I still get thoughts of smoking. I have been quit for 21 weeks. I wake in the middle of the night still. For the first two months I was sleep deprived. I was determined not to pick up though. Every day I would get up from a broken nights sleep and pray. "Thank you God for giving enough sleep for this day." That's all I had. Just enough sleep for one day, with no reserve. "Please God give me more sleep tonight."

I think about cigarettes in the middle of the night. I think of the petrol station. I haven't been to the petrol station for smokes for over two years, so I think it's just some romantic notion. I wouldn't enjoy smoking now. My hands are still dry. The skin was spitting every day. I had a wheeze on my chest. My legs and feet were swollen. I had body odour. It was frightening. I don't want to go back to that and probably more.

I like my new life. I do a lot of mindfulness exercises. Like colouring-in. Deep breathing. Observing. Tai Chi movement. Sudoku.

Cooking. Keeping the kitchen clean. Washing my clothes. I am making some compost in my garden. My Husband has even bought me a garden pond

Report abuse


Showing oldest to newest. Swap comments order
  • Robn September 04, 2019 | 20:53
    Good on have come such a long way on your journey. Life is the best without the smokes.
    Stay strong and don’t need them in your new life
  • Happiness September 05, 2019 | 0:55
    It sounds like you are able to enjoy your garden again Penelope. I am so happy that you have stuck to your guns and refused to pick them up again. You are happy in your new life with better health and being able to do those daily activities once again. Keep up doing those positive things that keep you motivated and enable you to win this fight. Give hubby and Bobby and hug and reflect on the positive things in life. So proud of you!
  • Safe2017 September 05, 2019 | 1:57
    A terrific accomplishment. Thank God for giving you the strength, staying determined and not giving up. Sounds like you've been through a wringer but you are coming out okay in the end. Now keep practicing NOPE - not one puff ever and you'll be okay. Sending strength and courage your way. Cheers.
  • softly40, Mid North Coast September 05, 2019 | 7:48
    You are doing so well penelope. Strangely enough I think of a cigarette now and then but then they are just thoughts. We tend to romance our past habits, which did us no good in the end. You have strengthened your resolve to not smoke, perhaps another help is to ask or think of what you will receive in the morning that brings you joy, ask or think of a sound and healing sleep you will wake up refreshed and happy in the morning. This worked and still works for me no matter what. Congratulations for 21 weeks brilliant.
  • Nuts September 05, 2019 | 12:48
    21 weeks is fabulous Penelope. Enjoy your garden pond and the lovely fresh air in your lungs. Well done 😙😊

You need to register or log in to leave a comment.