Today marks 14 days since I actively chose to harm myself and those around me with a cigarette. I feel proud, free, and empowered. I look back and I can't believe how much energy I used to waste on smoking, things like staying up that bit later at night to have that last smoke before bed, or walking all the way back to the car to sneak that smoke before heading back into that event/function/shopping centre etc.
I have noticed the last 2-3 days I have been quite anxious but I was warned that, that symptom may rear it's ugly head. I do suffer with anxiety attacks but I haven't found my anxiety to be unbearable or uncontrollable and I'm hopeful it will stay that way.
I think the anxiety is a good thing- the way I see it is smoking is like a controlling ex partner. When you first leave they try to get you back with empty promises of being better (withdrawals) when you refuse they get angry and make threats( bad cravings) when you still refuse they beg for forgiveness ( anxiety), then they send a daily text about how they miss you (facing temptation), and lastly the occasional drunken text, but eventually they give up.
So with that theory/analogy in mind the smokes have realised they have lost control over me and are a making a few desperate attempts to get me back before they begin to move on, and with enough distance between myself and smokes I am strong enough to see them for what they really are.
I look forward to week 3 and I embrace any challenges that await me.
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