Stories & experiences


Confessions of a closet smoker

Posted in Quit experiences 18 Jul 2019

As far as my family & friends knows I haven't had a cigarette since 29.05.2019. I was going strong for 2 weeks and an unforeseen incident at the office lead me straight back to the nicotine monster. I ONLY smoke at the office, not at home or at social/family events.

I feel guilty for keeping this a secret from my husband, friends and extended family. I feel anxious when I think I think I can't have my sneaky cigarette. But when the day is done I feel so guilty about my secret addiction.

At the start of my "quit" date my family and friends were so supportive and encouraging that I felt I could conquer this addiction, but i seemed to have failed myself and them.

Any advise or tips would be great...HELP!!!

Report abuse


Showing oldest to newest. Swap comments order
  • Happiness July 18, 2019 | 5:42
    You do realize Kate, that what you are doing puts you under far more stress than it's worth. I don't know how much you smoked or have cut back to, but i sense that it is perhaps down to one sneaky cigarette a day at the office, and none over the weekend, which must be harder still. Why not go that extra day and get the nicotine out of your system once and for all and be done with it. I can't imagine living life in a constant withdrawal like that.
    When i cut down to 4 and 5 for a few days after decades of a pack a day, that was hard enough. Time to say "enough", go 72 hours and get the nicotine out of your body . The nicotine cravings will be no worse than what you already endure. I believe you will adjust quickly (Psychologically) after that as there is really no "void " to fill after a couple of months since first quitting. You have virtually completed 70% of the 80% of the behavioral /mental adjustment, now complete the process. You do 2/3 of the 20% which is combatting nicotine every weekend....for what?

    Please stop torturing yourself and feeling quilts and down on yourself. This journey is hard enough for most, but only needs be done once. If you can do what you have written, you can most certainly handle evicting nicotine from your life.

    So many reasons to quit. Zero valid reasons to continue. Are you going to let it rob you of money and health and now your self esteem? Do you think you can keep doing this? Finish what you started, you are so close.
  • Nuts July 18, 2019 | 17:43
    Do you really think that you can sneak a smoke. You can smell it a mile away. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones. Dust yourself off and start again. You can do it
  • Kate_S July 18, 2019 | 18:19
    Thanks for the honest & encouraging words. You'll be happy to know that I have not had one single puff at the office today. Just have to persevere.
  • Safe2017 July 18, 2019 | 22:01
    There you go Kate_S, if you could stay smoke free for the whole day then you are on your way to become smoke free forever. Good luck.
  • Happiness July 19, 2019 | 0:08
    You will be glad you are following through Kate_S. It will be far easier than what you have been doing and you will unburden yourself of the guilt. Enjoy and benefits you will enjoy as a happy non-smoker. Keep reading the posts, staying vigilant and supporting others with your wisdom and experience.

    You can be free sooner than you ever thought. Life is Good.

You need to register or log in to leave a comment.