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goodbye

Posted in Staying quit
schedule 14 Jan 2016

How can I express what you've meant to me these many years? The bond we've shared has been stronger than any other in my life. You were always there for me when I was alone.

When I was scared, you gave me strength.

When I was happy, you shared my joys.

When I was angry, you fueled my fire with your own.

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When I was hungry you "nourished" me and kept me slim.

When I turned my back on you, you waited patiently, knowing I would return.

You never judged me or held a grudge. You welcomed me back with open arms. You were practically my lover - we knew each other so intimately. You invaded every pore of me. Just the smell of you can set my heart pounding. The feel of you in my hand, so smooth and firm, makes my blood boil even now. God, I want you so badly. You and I have been together through so very much.

See Also: A Deadly Seduction - Leslie's Goodbye to Smoking

Goodbye

How can I tell you I have to go? I'll just do it... This is "Goodbye." I love you and I always will, but this is killing me. It's not healthy and I'm beginning to see that now. I have changed, grown, but you have stayed the same. We've been going in different directions for awhile, and I just haven't been able to admit it to myself. Now I can.

You're giving me wrinkles on my face. You take my money. You make my breath smell bad and my teeth yellow. None of my friends like you and look what you've done to my mother-in-law and grandfather!

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I won't be your victim any longer.

The Shame

I've actually hidden from my friends when I was sneaking around with you. I can't take you anywhere in public without you embarrassing me. I can't count the number of times I have told my children to wait so I could go see you. You are not more important than my children.

I am so angry at myself for putting your first. You had such a hold on me. Even when I was sick, you called me, and I came without question.

Breaking the Chains

I feel like I"m losing myself to you. We've always been together. Is there a "me" without you? Surely there is. I bet she's someone you wouldn't recognize. You always thought I was weak and I'd be back, but I'm not weak anymore.

I'm discovering how strong I really am. I can go and not look back, except on those lonely, rainy nights when the kids are in bed, and I drag out those old pictures of us together. I'm sure you know I'll miss you. It's not like these last 14 years have meant nothing to me. But my future means more. I have to do what's right for me now.

Letting you go hurts more than I can describe. I lay here at night thinking of you and missing you so badly. Every time something makes me angry I just want to go to you. I actually have a physical pain in my chest and my throat tightens when I think of you.

I know if I just run to you, you'll take me back and make the pain go away, but only temporarily. You always want more of me, and loving you has become a vicious, self-destructive cycle.

I know that the pain I feel right now will heal and hopefully so will the other scars you've left on my heart and lungs. I pray it's not too late for me to give my body a fresh start. This pain will not kill me and that which does not kill me only makes me stronger.

Don't wait for me this time.

I know you'll find others to take my place; younger, more naive women to seduce. I may be tempted from time to time, but you can bet I won't be back.

Goodbye.

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By nodrah
schedule 14 Jan 2016

That would have to be the best write up ive read on this site...AWESOME...

Just make sure you don't go back:)

By Anne55
schedule 14 Jan 2016

Thank you for posting. WOW. This is the journey that we have all had. You have put it in a nutshell. More power to you. By the way, I understand your pain at leaving this awful addiction by the roadside. Mine too.

Let it Be.

schedule 14 Jan 2016

wow, that is so good, thank you for sharing. As a past smoker I can relate to every single word. Nicotine - the DEVIL that consumes our total being, mind and body. Goodybe nicotine!

By jojie
schedule 15 Jan 2016

Well said-Congratulations! Awesomely divorced from nicotine!!

schedule 15 Jan 2016

i did not write that just some help and tips i like and want to pass on what helps me

By Kaf
schedule 16 Jan 2016

Hello. Yes I felt like this but I have ejected toxic people from.my life so I knew I had to do it to smoking Cuz my friend was so toxic he was killing me

schedule 16 Jan 2016

Goodbye nicotine - I never want you in my life again. Great post and has been added to my favourites - there are some very inspiring people out there and they are able to understand what we are going through with this filthy nicotine addiction

By Virgo73
schedule 18 Jan 2016

Awesome post. Such inspiring words and so much truth in the hold that cigarettes have over a person.