A quick pop in...

I have been going through the stories & came accross a couple of things that I just wanted to let you folks who wrote them know that I found them helpfull. 

Sweet Tea mentioned accountability & that is huge to me. It is one of the characteristics I tried very hard to instill in my children. I believe that a person is very much responsible for their decisions ("You can't blame some one else for the way you acted" was always followed by a disgruntled pre-teens eyeroll...kids are great.) and yet when it comes to my addiction/battle with nicotine, I have not held myself accountable. I don't blame any one else for my struggle, but I have realized that I basically have not addressed why I still smoke (other than the addictive nature of nicotine, there is also a psychological one with me). When it comes to any other aspect of my life, I always stick by the accountability of my actions/inactions. Let me put it in an example that my brain can understand (remember how I said I was special like that? LOL) At work about a month ago, I made a big mistake. Really big. I thought for sure I was going to be reprimanded at least, but I truley feared I was going to lose my job. It was a mistake that wouldn't have been noticed by my supervisor for at least a month. The weight of that mistake was so heavy on my heart that I went to my supervisor immediatley after I realized what I had done & told her what happened. Of course, she was great about it. Advised me on how to correct it & that was it. (I also have a tendency to build things up in my head & imagine the situation to be much worse that it actually turns out to be. I'm so awesome!) I screwed up, I acknowledged it right away, sought help for the situation & moved on. I don't do that with smoking. I screw up, I downward spiral, beat the crap out of myself mentally for a few days & then try again. Non of which works by the way, I don't reccommend it LOL. 

Softly40 posted a qoute that said "Do you really want this & why?" That s a very interesting statement to me. It might be very helpul in this battle for me. I am the type of person that wants to understand why things are the way they are. I work with a lot of people who I do not see eye to eye with & I always try to undestand why they feel the way they do so that maybe I can get some perspective. Sometimes our points of view are too far apart & the understanding & perspective never comes, but I always try,

Lia - she said she spends ash money. Tha is so clever, I'm taking it. I spend about $75 USD a week on cigarettes currently (actually prices just went up again so it is a bit more). And I did the math on that for a year...turns out I am spending the same amount on cigarettes every year that I spend on my housing costs. That is absolutley absurd to me, Just ridiculous.

So thank you folks for giving me more ammunition for my fight. This turned out to be alot longer than I expected & I apologize for rambling (but some times that helps me). It is almost 7 p.m. on the 10th where I am & I am pretty sure it is already my tomorrow for most of you folks so have a great Sunday everyone.