Life or Death

  My story must begin somewhere, I have two kids, 15 and 6, yep big gap and the last one unplanned.  Just prempting questions.  In July and August felt really bad, smoking around 40 to 50per day, used to tell myself that because i was divorced and had no kids 50% of the time I can smoke that much because how sad and bad is my life, I needed to smoke.  I deserved it, that was my justification.  Two weeks prior to my son's 15th BiDay i was  walking my 6 year old up the small ramp/incline to school and I felt short of breath and really sick,  managed to get my breath and walked into school feeling OK, kissed my daughter goodbye and left.  Went home and looked in the mirror.  My left eye had a huge broken capilliary going up to the eyeball.  I knew I was in trouble.  Two weeks later i was sitting at home with my six year old at around 7pm and I felt really short of breath and unwell, I had a terrible asthma attack and ended up in an ambulance off to St Vincents.  They let me out the next morning even though I did not feel right i went reluctantly.  Two nights later (I made my son's 15th B'Day but the night after I had a massive asthma attack, ended up blue by the time the ambulance got there and in hospital for six days on oxygen, cortisone etc.  I wondered how I was ever going to go home and live a normal life and look after my six year old.  All my friends offered me help and told me whatever they had to do to get me home they would and they would help with everything.  

Some three months later I am smoke free.  I think about smoking from time to time but believe me it gets less as the weeks go on.  I feel marvellous and really quit as a result of sheer FEAR but when i couldn't breath and I was waiting for the ambulance i did not even have enough breath to tell my beautiful daughter that i loved her and I saw the fear in her eyes.  I forgot to say i actually died and was given adrenalin which kept me alive until i got to the hospital.  

I always thought i would be different and I could smoke and it would not affect me.  I nearly died trying to prove my point, it was scary and i do not want to go there again.  For the first three days in the hospital i did not want to see my kids because I could hardly walk two feet to the toilet and i was on oxygen 24/7.

I have emphysema, 10% of my lungs damaged with that and in addition have a condition called Bullous which is rare and thought to be a genetic disease but as my tests have shown no genetic mutation who knows how i got that.  All I know is smoking is deadly, i never thought I would say thoses words out loud or to anyone else.

If you want to know more please contact me.

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