So much to prove

On the 22nd of December 2010, my mum, aged 45, had a heart attack. On 30th December, we had to turn off the life support. On the 6th of January, was my mothers funeral. On the 21st of January, I turned 25. My first birthday without my mum.

When I was 17, I was dealing with my own sexuality, and I sat my mother down and said to her "mum, im gay".... her response..... "please, ive known since you were about 5".... ever since then, my mother has been my best friend. My very catholic family did not want anything to do with me. Not my mum. She was the one person who always had my back. However, dealing with the rejection of pretty much my entire family, I started smoking.

I currently smoke up to 20 a day, and have done so since the age of 17. I am in a wonderful relationship with the man I will one day marry, and have children with. I cannot die at age 45 like my mum. I cannot put my kids through the same heart ache that I have gone through (and am still going through). I cant do that to my partner. I cant do that to my friends, and I cant do that to myself.

I have just finished a lenghty conversation with Quit Line. I have decided to start the patches from tomorrow, and continue smoking until the 1st of Feb. That is when I will move to both patches and the inhaler, replacing the cigarettes.

Im really determined (its amazing what fear can do to you), and I wish the best of luck to everyone else who is trying to quit. Stay strong.