Day 21...

Hi, everyone! - Percy checking in...

Well, I've had a mixed sort of week.

Firstly, I haven't toyed with the idea of a cigarette at all - not once. I believe this is entirely down to the Allen Carr book, which I have taken everywhere with me. If I have a spare five minutes, I read from this book. In fact, reading the book has taken the place of smoking itself - I curl up in a chair for ten minutes with a coffee and read a few chapters. If anybody is wondering why I keep reading and re-reading, I think I have had to really brainwash myself to get this far without temptation. I have had to work hard at embracing life as a non-smoker rather than just tolerating life as a smoker who is torturing herself.

Whenever I conjure the mental image of a cigarette, I think about a syringe full of Heroin (which disgusts me.) I play out the scenario of a reformed Heroin addict coming out of rehab looking healthy and cured of addiction - and then I imagine them picking up the needle and saying "I'll just have one..."

I'm never going to fall into the trap of having "just one" again.

I treated myself to a pretty, silver bracelet this week. It's the style you would normally have engraved with your name on a bar - but I have had my quit date inscribed on there. I love it! It was partly a psychological trick - the date has been cast permanently in silver so it is indelibly imprinted on my mind as the date I won the greatest (and longest) battle of my life. I love seeing it on my wrist. I love having the money spare to buy myself treats like jewellery.

Last Wednesday , I joined Weight Watchers so I could start tackling my weight. Unfortunately, I have gained an extra three stone over the course of a long illness. High doses of oral steroids have taken their toll along with endless Lockdowns due to Covid.

So, this means I'm now focusing on exercise, healthy eating and healthy lifestyle choices rather than just quitting the cigarettes. I've just come back from my weekly weigh-in to discover I've GAINED a pound this week...LOL! Nah, I'm not disheartened...just needs some more thought and fine-tuning!

I've felt quite well but I must point out that I'm currently going through the menopause. Feeling irritable and emotional is par for the course, so I don't think my challenging days can necessarily ALL be put down to giving up smoking. I've had some low moods and a few days of feeling slightly withdrawn...which could be hormones.

The 'disturbed sleep' has gone - now I'm sleeping like a baby.

I haven't had a cough since I quit (actually, I had a productive morning cough as a smoker which has completely gone.) but I've had a tight chest for the last few days and seem to be struggling with itchy skin and rashes still. I know I've mentioned this before - apparently it's a sign of my body's circulation returning to normal.

I don't think I've had any withdrawal symptoms but occasionally I still feel 'at a loss' - particularly when I'm working on the computer or I'm performing any sort of task that would normally have been punctuated with cigarette breaks. Learning to 'just be' is a new skill in itself.

I'm still meditating every day and improving my skills at relaxing. I was a fidgety smoker - I was someone who rarely sat still and I seemed to be powered by nervous energy. I've become aware how tense I can be - I even catch myself in bed with clenched fists! I'm working on it!

Much love to you all - wherever you are in your quit journey - keep going! x