Asking for help for my husband
Hi, I am so sorry if this is not the right platform but I dont/have never smoked but my husband has for the last 10 years and is currently trying to quit. He goes through extreme mood swings, depression, paranoia and shuts down. I feel lost on how to support him and struggle to put myself in his shoes because to me everything seems ok while his world is collapsing. And then he'll break and smoke and then feel guilty and we just continue this cycle on and on and I am committed to find a way to stop this! Can any smokers/ex smokers please give me advice on how to support him/ what to say/ what worked for you and your partner/how to not take his mood swings so personally. I had no clue it would be this hard. Thank you!
http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf
Above is a book by Allen Car.
Can you get him to read it.
It can change his mind to finish with the smokes.
Its finally ended the torture of smokers worldwide!
I wonder if HE might join this site. Only a smoker can truly understand and appreciate the angst a quitter faces. It would be hard for you to know what to do or say because you have never had this insidious habit try to ruin your life. He has got to reach out and help himself and tell his story. If only he could find a platform to talk about his successes big or small he would be helping not only himself but others embarking on this journey. I don't see how you can do this quit thing for him. He has got to be the one who wants to do it. Wish him well.
i wanted to quit when i saw others on a site like this succeeding. smokers know they should quit and actually do wish they could but don't believe that they can. Quit forums show that it can be done, you are understood and in like company.Participation is not required.Understanding your addiction and how it controls you is mandatory. The book and forum explain all. Knowledge is power! Best to you in your power of persuasion.
If you log into "How to be a happy non-smoker" presented by NASIA DAVOS
It will help you understand his mood swings. For him it seems to be more of an emotional journey he will gain greater insight into himself by watching this video on u tube. Getting him on to the forum is the best bet by far.
My husband has been my rock through a number of quit attempts. This time is the last time. This forum and the book have made the difference. There is a section in the book for the support people, which he read. The biggest mistake on his part in previous attempts was not talking about it. He thought it would remind me of what I was missing. This time, we talk openly about all of it, good and bad, and celebrate every day. I absolutey would make it without him, but very blessed that I don't have to.
Here's my input: As a very young person who is still a smoker. The fact that he is trying speaks volumes. He is wanting to commit for some reason. Have you spoken to him to find out his exact reason? If you understand why, he won't feel so alone. I'd also ask directly "What can I do to help you?" Express that you're happy he's making the effort to quit and you'd like to be a part of his quitting experience. Perhaps he might want some space or maybe he does need something specific from you. As a smoker, I'd imagine he'd share how he feels (Agitated, restless ect.) If he shares those kinds of things with you, it might be helpful to come up with a way to assist and ask him if that'd be okay. The main reason for avoidance would be a lack of understanding. Always ask for permission if you intend to do something to help. I admire your patience. It can take a few attempts, and from each fail you should adjust your strategy.
I don't have good advice but I want to say the fact you are trying to support your partner is really lovely. I had a partner who supported me and I couldn't have done it without him. Wishing you both luck.