Struggling

Hi,

Today is day 91 for me. I live in the US, and begin with using Chantix. Smoked first week then just didn’t want to smoke anymore... well I didn’t enjoy it. I found that I felt like I had all this extra time! Sounds silly, but I spent alit if town outside with my iPad playing games or watching shows so I could smoke when I wanted. No one at my home or friends smoke so that makes it easy since I am not around it. I am almost 50 and have smoked off and on since I was 30. My cigs have been my buddy, my go to, always there when I was happy, sad, stressed.... I quit the chantix a month in as it made me very sick to my stomach. These last few weeks have been getting harder and harder! The urge to smoke, to just have one, is really getting to me. I have had this package that has 4 left since I quit and tonight have taken them and staring at them. My husband is begging me not to, telling me I will be disappointed in myself.. I just don’t care anymore.. I can’t even remember why I quit really.. Why now am I struggling so badly? I am literally crying I am so frustrated! And the thing is.. I don’t feel any differnent from not smoking, things don’t taste any better... After 3 months I notice nothing different. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.. Maybe I should ask Dr. about taking my Chantix again?