New start date.

I have been a smoker for 50 years. One pack a day. I quit six months ago for 3 months and for no reason decided to have one. I was actually very happy that day and looking forward to a great weekend. Why I had one I can't explain. One led to another and soon back to square one. So I started Sunday. Had a little set back, but am determined to continue. I can't think like a non smoker. I feel like i am deprived even though I truly want to stop. Smoking makes me feel like an outcast and I am tired of being the only one that has to continually run outside to smoke and it is getting so expensive. Any help out there. This is so hard.