If I can make it through today I can make it any day
I have not seen or spoke to my daughter since she was 6 years old do to her paternal gma interfereing and taking custody while I was caught in addiction. I have spent the last 10 years either stuck in addiction or just making myself better for the last 6 years. I have strived to be the mom that she deserves. And last but not least I quit smoking. I have been smoking for 18 years. My daughter will be 16 this year. And recently I found her snapchat name and was able to view her life for a few weeks without her knowledge do to some kind of glitch in Snapchat. Well the app updated overnight and now i can no longer view her part. Or she figured out that I was watching and blocked me . Either way this situation again has me wanting to smoke. And my anxiety is through the roof. All I want is relief from all the back lashes of smoking and be able to move forware with my life once and for all. My daughter is my worst enemy in the fact that not having her has made me incomplete. I miss my little girl whose now a full blown teenager. So please pray for me today as if there will ever be a day I choose to smoke today will be the day.Im going to do my best to stay on track.
Sadly smoking will not make any of this better nor will it change what has happened. You wont even feel better even though your brain is telling you that you will get some relief if you light up. Its a load of hogwash. Don't do it.
You want to be a Mum to your daughter then hold strong, be clean and smoke free, one day when she understands life and how hard and unjust it can be she may give you a chance. You cannot control anything in your life except yourself. You are in charge of this ride now, This is YOUR time, sure its hard but smoking is not going to fix anything except taste like poop and make you feel like a failure.
So Rise and Grind, strap yourself in and hang on for life. Its gets tough but you are tougher!
I would just like to update. ( Not sure if anyone eve checks back) if you do check. I didnt smoke Im now at 3 weeks with no smoking!