Getting me down

This whole thing is getting me down & angry. All these people struggling so hard, it's like torture & so sad. It shouldn't have to be this way. Today is day 5 & I've been so positive, trying to be supportive of others helps me stay positive myself but today my social anxiety has got the better of me & brought me way down. I'm annoyed that I suffer from it, makes me feel like I don't have any hope really and I'm doomed to go back to smoking & drinking to stop my anxiety, so why bother if I'm always going to feel like this. It's a relief to not have to smoke but would also be a relief to just fall back into it so I can just sit back and relax & hide. Damn....it makes no sense at all! whatever.... I'll just have to put up with myself....I guess this too will pass, cranky at myself now, I don't want to be a winger when I've tried to be so uplifting.