Another problem

Ok, another problem had to come creeping up on me this morning. All morning I had been surprised that I had not wanted one at all & was feeling quite proud of myself. Until... my sister (a big smoker & drinker) came along to pick up some of my rubbish with her partner to take to the tip for me. She has a beer in her hand & they have friends coming over later for drinks so she asks me to come along. I freaked not knowing how to answer or which way to turn, I felt like running far away over the mountain, umm umm maybe, I say, I'll see what I'm up to later, I've got so much to do. What I didn't say was I can't possibly go, though I'd love to - I know what would happen if I did. I'm annoyed that I can't be social without the cigarettes. Hoping I will be able to in time. Otherwise, I will become a hermit. Still...am feeling good & strong now they are gone. Actually I feel more in control, it feels good to say no - sounds really weird but I feel like a real proper adult! A sensible grown up! Go figure... I guess it's about time I became responsible. Ohhh...maybe that's what that feeling is, I'm actually taking some responsibility!