Slip Up

Hi, this is my 5th week without smoking. But it’s not a completely clean non-smoking experience so far. I had a slip up just recently. It was a stressful time having a child sick at home and workplace was hectic. I just wanted something to push my day ahead and that turned out to have two cigarettes before throwing the rest of the pack out in bush from my car. That's more than 48 hours ago.

I think I can forgive myself and continue my journey as I have been. I was such a confirmed smoker that I thought life would be meaningless without smoking. Out of my long overdue resolution for quitting I went to GP and got Zyban. Took two tablets for two days before stopping as I was feeling like a robot. I felt like I could harm my crying baby out of intolerance. I still went a couple of days without smoking and nearly collapsed one day. I thought I was having a stroke. I called ambulance and ended up in the ER. They checked me in after 5 hours of waiting (Sydney hospitals!!). Later the doctors have explained that I had a severe panic attack due to withdrawal effect. For 22 long years Nicotine was my boss and controlling my every emotion. All of a sudden my brain got confused without the Nicotine. Anyway, it’s been four weeks since. I am alright now with the use of Nicorrette gum. But sometime I become so terrified of slipping up again. I wish I could forget the total smoking experience forever for good.