The tepid turkey

One day, after many years  of nagging and nagging from Jiminy (that’s the little guy that sits on my shoulder and always give me very good advice, mostly ignored), I decided to quit smoking. It was enthusiasm the first hour and a half, tobacco was handed over to grown up daughter for safe keeping. Throwing it away seemed a bit extravagant as it was a brand new packet.

Then the turkey moved in. Uninvited, came with a story on how cold she was, and made herself at home on the opposite shoulder from Jiminy. Those two do not get on whatsoever. And let me tell you,  Jiminy’s nagging was nothing to the turkey’s. She probably trained into The Top International School of Nagging, was school captain, with academic awards in every  subject, and the star of the all Female Wrestler Team.

The second day of her (illegal) squatting of my left shoulder, she started pleasant enough. “Good Morning, Sunshine. Pleasant dreams I hope. Let’s go for a coffee and let us not think of having a cigarette, cigarette, cigarette. Sorry for the stutter! I am so proud of you for not smoking, smoking, smoking.”

It was a silly thing to say considering it was only 5am in the morning, and I had only been a non-smoker for 11 hours, 8 of them asleep. Best not to point it out, as I was conserving my energy for the struggle ahead. There was 16 hours of non-smoking in front of me, just for today, and I certainly didn’t need a turkey with a stutter.

The first day was OK. Went to work, returned late afternoon, begged for a cigarette from Daughter-In-Charge-Of-Hiding-Tabacco, who handed it over. Jiminy was tut-tutting, the turkey was singing, and I was mildly disappointed with myself. Happy though. 1 cigarette in 16 hours was definitely an improvement from the day before.

I was determined to do better the next day. Before long I would be a non-smoker, and me and Jiminy would be happily tut-tutting together at this nasty habit, possibly sharing private jokes about smokers.

The turkey was silent at the time, seemingly asleep, hatching evil plans to get her own way.

To be continued…

Next to come, “The great ransack of the daughter’s bedroom, in search of Tabacco, after the Turkey and I gagged Jiminy”