First week

Wow this first week was full - on!

I had moments of great strength, managing to get through a craving and not fold and rush out to the shops. Other times I begged and pleaded my hubby to buy me some smokes, other times I felt so depressed I could not get out of bed. One time I was crying and angry at the same time and then we realised I forgot to change my patch for a new patch and that was why the cravings were so bad.

I kept reminding myself why I was doing it - deposit for a house, my poor body needed a break from mistreating myself for years, no more money to go to greedy cigarette companies, lots of other reasons. Sometimes I didn't care and just wanted to cave in - laughing and crying at the same time, pulling on hubby's shirt - just one, just one please...

One day I felt so weak and I was determined to buy some. I went to the shops, went up to the checkout with my purchases and the checkout operator said 'anything else?" My mouth said 'no thanks' and my brain was yelling inside my head - are you stupid? why didn't you buy me some smokes? I got home and told hubby and he danced around and was very happy and proud of me. It helps so much having loving support.