38 days and not out

I have been a heavy smoker for almost 10 years and I am only 26. I have 2 kids and a husband who doesn't smoke. Today is 38 days smoke free and without the help of my husband I would never have made it, just having someone to talk to about how hard it is to get through everyday. I wanted to give up for so long as my father in-law died from cancer and my friend with 2 small children recently was diagnosed with cancer from smoking but to tell you the truth it was like asking me to kill my mother when it came to the crunch, the first 3 days I had to be talked down from buying a pack and only after I screamed and cried and carried on and thankfully I had discussed my bad attitude prior to this with my husband so he was aware of my potential to blow up. But really it was the depression that set in around the 2nd week that was so hard to deal with. I could not find a reason the get dressed, brush my hair or go out without the reward of a smoke. the only reason I did was because I had to take the children to school. But then I took up painting and I am no artist but I take the youngest child outside and sit in the sun of the morning and paint or draw it's my version of meditation and it's helping, when I moved to the step 2 patches I discovered my craving were a bit worse but I think that is because I am receiving less nicotine in the patch. I still am struggling everyday but it is getting easier to learn to live as a none smoker and i think i will like the new me and my kids will too.