Ive got this far...

OK so here i am - 20 months & 16 days cigarette free! I did it!! I will NEVER EVER go back go that place of calming myself with a cigarette - its all myth. It doesnt calm you. Im 44 and have smoked since i was 14. 

Where do i start? I suffer severe deression and anxiety ( i refuse to be medicated). My mind works in the oddest of ways. I never gave myself a quit date - to me that was giving myself too high expectations..FOR ME ...that was not appropriate. I just knew that i would stop when it was time to stop. I didnt need the added stress of a date. Due to my depression and anxiety my Drs wanted to admit into hospital where i could be monitored as Champix were known to give side effects...due to family committments hospital was definately a no go zone...My teen kids were educated on the tablets and the possible side effects and they basically watched over me. Within the first few days my depression was almost non existant (amazing) however i never let my mind tell me that as i would have learnt to rely on these pills...i kept smoking and smoking wondering when they were going to work for the smoking part...I woke the monday morning ( the day before i had smoked 2 and a half packs of Winfield blue, i was a heavy smoker at the best of times but started to become anxious about giving up) So i woke up the monday grabbed my smokes out of my bag to headed to the kitchen to make my coffee ( coffee and smokes to start my day). I went out onto the verandah and looked at the smokes and thought " this is it - no more". I have not had one since that day before. I told myself repeatedly that i really didnt feel like one and it was all in my head, i drank my coffee but clutched that new unopened packet of smokes like there was no tomorrow..JUST INCASE!!. I waited and waited and waited for withdrawls to start , as odd as it sounds to many people i enjoy withdrawing as it shows a self achievement.  I often do certain food and coffee withdrawls so  i know how harsh withdrawing can be but i expected worse with cigarettes and braced myself. Not one withdrawl and it become a focal point between family and friends who were all encouraging and supporting me. We would all laugh about me "hanging to start withdrawing" or how let down i felt not withdrawing ( of course this was all in fun and added to the support i recieved) I carried those cigarettes with me everywhere for 2 whole weeks  to the toilet, shower, in the shops, driving...It was for me giving up something that i totally relied on to get me thru the day. I was scared for them to be out of my sight - they had been my "life line" for so many years and carried me through so much trauma. If i let go of them smokes my whole world was going to crash. After 3 weeks and feeling a little braver i gave that packet of cigarettes away with my lighter. :) I have also let myself  acknowledge wanting a smoke and when that little urge does arise i acknowledge it to who ever is around or just myself by saying " gee i feel like a smoke" as soon as i acknowledge it it disappears - because its all in the mind! That tiny little urge lasts the length of that sentence. Thats it - Gone! The first 2 weeks i did keep lollypops handy but this was because of the "hand to mouth habit" eating lolliops definately helped that. I also, from day one craved Cinnamon for unknown reasons - so i added a sprinkle of cinnamon to every coffee i had - i to this day believe that helped with the lack of withdrawls. Although i have no evidence to support that :) I will say i have kept off the smokes for many reasons the main one being i refuse to give the government any more of my money! Yes of course i do it for my health and for my kids - we all do it for that reason...but i needed to look at other excuses not to go back to them. I have always prided myself in my teeth and over the years i have let them go to - since quitting i have started on the journey to fix my teeth also ( most dentists refuse to do dental work now on smokers ). I will and honestly can say i do NOT feel any health benefits from quitting - Im waiting for those to kick in like i wated the withdrawls.  Everyone says " oh, you will feel so much better etc etc"...when??? I feel better mentally because i gave up...i achieved but thats it. I still get puffed, i still get that squeazy feel from my lungs ( although it is much less) pumpng the tar out and i still at times have that strong taste of tar coming out of my gums...HOWEVER, Im glad i have given up. The health benefits i will feel eventually.My depression is still there but no where as bad as it was...REMEMBER:Refuse to get sick or die over something that you have control over and refuse to give our Gov money to die...