Day 3 of my Quit and successfully overcame massive temptation, yay!

Went for a drink with a friend after work tonight. She doesn't smoke, but you know, after a pint, all my sense and reason disappears... Plus this is one of my big triggers, being out and about instead of at home doing the Mum routine, I feel 'free' and I want to be 'naughty' like when I was in my twenties, before family/ kids/ responsibilities (I know how stupid this sounds, but no point being dishonest on this forum is there). So anyway, I've had a drink and I'm in a bar (smoking & drinking go together in my mind of course) and that voice is in my head with all the excuses and temptations (e.g. 'Wait until the Allen Carr book comes in the mail, then quit' and 'You can't quit cold turkey, who are you kidding, have one now and try again after you've bought one of those e-cigarette thingies').

After the second pint I was like ok, when we get outside to walk to the restaurant, I'm stopping at a convenience store to buy a pack, 100% for sure. Well, maybe 80% for sure. Or maybe 60% for sure... There was this wrestle and angst and shame and temptation and everything going on in my head, it was a total mind melt.

I remember learning about this in psychology at uni back in the day, it's called cognitive dissonance. When you think conflicting/ competing thoughts, your brain gets really uncomfortable and can't cope holding both of the contradictory thoughts, so you have to give one or the other thought up. Usually I try to give up the 'reality' thought and avoid thinking about stuff like cancer/ stroke/ emphysema (etc.), bad influence on the kids, the fact that it's gross and disgusting, socially pathetic blah blah - and that makes it easy to relapse (or never quit in the first place). This time I thought ok maybe just take one decision at a time and put off the 'buy a pack' decision in this particular moment.

First decision was to have a spray of nicorette before leaving the bar (I don't like the gum - or the spray for that matter, but it's quicker at least and seems to help with cravings when I'm really tempted). Second decision was to keep walking past the first convenience store. Next decision was to walk past the second convenience store. I think by then the spray was helping and probably the change of scene too. I thought 'maybe after dinner if you're still really determined, but let's just get to dinner and think about it later'. Distraction of dinner helped, maybe less alcohol effect too, and when we were finished we were also ready to go home anyway, so altogether I guess the temptation moment had passed and it wasn't a big deal anymore and I was fine to let it go.

I'm not completely sure what the lesson was in any of this. And it was probably not a very sensible strategy - I feel like it was a close call and I got lucky, so maybe I shouldn't even be sharing this story like it was a 'success'. But I suppose if anything the lesson was something like 'one good decision at a time' and 'distraction works' and maybe 'avoid bars for a while' lol. Anyway I am feeling very happy that I didn't give in! :-) But also, sheesh, only day 3 and I came so close to giving in, that's pretty weak :-(

Oh and by the way, one of the things that made me not want to give in, was this forum! I feel like through this forum I publicly committed to quitting and was ashamed at the thought of relapsing and skulking away. (I haven't told anyone I know personally yet. I probably should, to keep me on track, but don't want to in case I don't succeed, and to be really honest I probably don't want the extra pressure, because a part of me wants the freedom to fail... yes I know this is self-defeating and stupid, argh, it's all such a head*^&*!!).

Ok one day at a time, one decision at a time. Thanks for letting me rant and confess like a deranged person!!