Now or Never

I am 40 and a smoker for 20 years now. I remember stealing cigarettes from my Dad... if only I knew then what I know now. I have bean thinking about quitting for years but always got excuses and reasons why I shouldn't or couldn't - I am stressed , cant enjoy my glass of wine without it , cant have fun without it ! I mean really ? does cigarettes really cure stress , turn water into wine , make a dull evening fun !!? Infact it worsened everything , it caused immense stress between me and my husband (as he is a non smoker), he would hate buying it for me and sometimes refused which caused such fights and he occasionally told me I always smell of ash tray ( why he stayed with me I will never know). I cant really smell things the way I used to like flavors in food and wine! the only thing I smell is cigarettes, and going somewhere ... always looking for a place that's got a smoking section or a smoking roof or a balcony where you can smoke, not for the food or mood or ambiance but for the sake of a god dam cigarette. And the Money Money Money factor how many fights did it not start , asking for something getting the reply "then stop smoking and you can buy it yourself ". I gues this is my reasons my triggers.

I came to a point in my life where I looked in the mirror and I knew I wasn't in control, my skin looks dull and drab my teeth are stained my finger and nails are stained I look like something the cat dragged around and didn't even want to drag in !! I have a pain in my chest I don't even want to think about , I 40 , I feel 50 and look 60. It is time for change. I haven't picked the best date for quiting as it is holiday kids at home , husband away for a month, but then it will never be and if I can do this I can so much more!

My quit date is Sunday 5 April 2015 I have been on champix for 2 weeks then, I can feel that my cravings is less and my will power stronger. I have had the dreams but it doesn't bother me in fact it is fun like some one else said, I also have problems with sleeping so I am taking it earlier in the day. There is also the cranky, irritated moods(not helpful if you have 4 small kids). But all in all I know it will pass like all other problems or get manageable. I know I can do this. Thank you for all the support from I Can Quit team.

Lize