Again again again

Well it was Friday again, driving past my IGA, usually I pop in and pick up some cigs and scotch. Hubby had already got the scotch so I had no need to go in, I new this, I said this to myself and was sure I would drive past the store, but ohh no in I go, 'it has been a week, you can have one' says my sub conscience. So the next thing I know I am in the store and 1 pkt in my bag and off I go home. I light up (idiot). That was my weekend, a long weekend on my own, well most of it Hubby had Saturday off. So what do I do, I toss and turn between berating myself and telling myself why not, fail is what you do best. I kept telling myself I could not do it. On Monday morning I was sick of the voices, I know that the voices are me and nicotine in a struggle for the upper hand, for my life (oops she is getting dramatic). Monday morning, what was left of the pack got tossed into the tile fire, all I know right now is that this is day 3, today I am determined not to buy any more, and that my teeth are clenched sooo hard, I am teary, I am a little afraid, I am a lot mad at myself, I was here last week, and if I was honest, I was here last month (a couple of times) I really must have this inner need to hurt myself. Oh no now I do sound more than a little Looney toones. Well that was my last week. New week, new day, same challenge. Thanks for listening, and I have read so many other stories, thank you for sharing, I don't feel so alone, I need the stories on my mobile so I can read them instead of walking into that store.