Long Time Coming

Dear Fellow Quitters,

I need to tap in to all the help and support I can get. At the age of 52, I have finally quit 3 days ago. I quit last year for 14 months on gum but found the urge to smoke was always with me. Finally after months of smoking again, I have gone on the Champix and am now on day 3 smoke-free.

I have tried so many times over the years. I had years of not smoking and then at 36, started smoking after one puff on a friend's smoke after too many wines. I have been trying to extricate myself from its grip ever since that night. For me, smoking is a monster. I love it, truth be told. I know all the dangers, all the negatives. In spite of this, its grip on me is so strong. I have seen so many people go "I'm giving up" and just do it.I hate them! For me, it is a struggle beyond all else, something almost impossible. I do hate it for its grip on me and yet I still have dreams that doctors will suddenly say "Its OK, we made a mistake. Smoke away".

I know all this is madness. I have to stop - I have stopped. I don't think I can endure it if this attempt is another failure. I have 2 little grandsons and I want to dance at their weddings. I have daughters, the youngest still 16. They need me. My husband needs me. I need me. 

I need support and I hope one day to be able to give it back. Thanks for listening.

Debbie