Amazingly after last night I did not give in and have a smoke. It was actually late this afternoon when I gave in. I have no excuse for it but what I can say is that the lonliness crept in and I let the cigarette in too. I have no one I know to talk to at the moment so that's how I feel at home - alone.
I hope I haven't disappointed some of you. For myself, I can also say something that surprised me is I could actually taste the horrible thing! I haven't completely tasted the whole disgusting cigarette since the first time I started....it must be because I haven't been smoking and some of my taste buds/smell have come back. And when I finished it, I was actually horrified in it. I felt like I had just emptied an ash tray into my mouth (which is what it is really) and I came straight inside to brush my teeth, wash my hands and spray perfume on myself. I still feel like it's in my mouth.... so in one way for me, this is a bit positive. In the fact, It turned me off. I know in one way this is a failure but in another light I am looking at myself saying, "Hey, you've gotten this far, don't let one cigarette get you down." I'm definately not perfect and I didn't even think I could make it a day let alone nearly 4! It's also a learning tool for me. I know I need a better back up plan for my stress/feeling down that's for sure.
So I definately haven't given up, this has been a hiccup along the way.
I hope everyone has had a great weekend.
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