I came home tonight and thought, 'thank God it is not this time last year - that was such a hard night'. It is a year since I smoked my last cigarette and I am so glad I can say that. Whilst my close friends have been incredibly supportive, it was the extraordinary contributors to this site who showed me the path, cheered my along the way and gave me the determination to keep on going. I don't visit as much as I used to but I can see new cohorts going through all of this together and that is inspiring when the going gets tough.
A friend of mine congratulated me today and said I showed willpower and doggedness. I am here to say that I have NO willpower. I cannot resist what I want. However, I have been dogged about this. It has been like seeing the line at the end of the marathon and willing myself towards it. Whatever it takes to get there - wine jubes, walks, visiting this site, endless treats (am not actually sure I have saved that much with the multitude of rewards I have given myself!). It didn't occur to me until today that there was this great difference between willpower and doggedness but I thought it might be helpful to share it. One is about resisting and the other is about achieving.
My skin looks healthier (about nine kilos extra probably helps) and I sleep better. I never have to go out in the cold or become increasingly agitated at a dinner because of nicotine withdrawal. My health feels much of a muchness - no ups and no downs. I've allowed myself a sneaky grin today as a mark of complete bewilderment that I actually was able to tuck a year behind me. And I miss it every day. But only for ten minutes once or twice a day which is certainly more bearable than being on an aeroplane or going on holidays with non-smokers, or being tied up at work and gagging for a ciggie whilst sitting in an endless meeting. Missing something for a maximum of twenty minutes a day (most days, two minutes) is nothing compared to being in the claws of a smelly, dangerous and unappealing habit.
I remember Dave from WA, Nannette, Shasha, Lia and all those wonderful fighters who helped me so very much in those first few months and I wanted to thank them all and wish them well.
Ok - so now the next challenge is set - late August 2017. Onwards and upwards.
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