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Yesterday I literally blew my mind and body with too much coffee. I'll be honest and share with everyone that I had to drink a bottle of red wine and lots of water to counter the effects and it took the rest of the day to even get back to anything normal. I don't want to be in that situation again as I'm stressed enough as it is with what is currently going on in my life . Even if my heart is being ripped to pieces, I know that addictions and any kind of excessive behaviour won't help at all.
Today I was stressed out again but luckily did not have any coffee. I was able to survive the morning but a large portion of it was spent in a small room with a smoker. Yes I was feeling stressed and breathing in his passive smoke did not help either. Of course he offered me a cigarette more than once and I declined. Yes, I think I am starting to develop a healthy fear of smoking, kinda like being scared to cross the road without looking left and right. I did not think much about cigarettes today and was not tempted to smoke.
It does get better - At least for me!.. what I mean is it is getting better on the smoking front. As for life? Hmmm... Trying to do whats right is not easy sometimes. Just when I thought that I was doing better (and really I am) and I'm able to pick up all the pieces and put them back together again- I see that I've changed for the better and some others have just become worse. OK, thats nothing to do with smoking but its kinda like quitting for me has not just been about quitting cigarettes but more about entering into a different realm altogether.
Unfortunately I think a certain group of people would prefer me to be sickly and weak and addicted and I guess I have to leave those people behind for the moment and carry on with my new life. Then there is the other group who cheers me on and is happy for the achievements. I guess that in all of this I've discovered nicodemon is certainly not a friend ...not only that, true friends don't deceive you!
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