Stories & experiences

manchild
53
Stories
17/03/2016
Joined

Why I never listened to certain people about quitting smoking

Posted in Staying quit 06 May 2016
6 Comments

There have been times over the last few decades where certain ex-smokers have told me about the fact they've quit. To be honest, I don't have good memories of those "quitters"

I've always felt that most of these quitters were self righteous and had no empathy for me as a smoker. The advice was always cold and clinical. No-one said things to me like "I know how hard it is to be a smoker etc" It was always they were good and I was bad, except of course my late father who used to complain about my smoking, yet buy me packs of cigarettes. God bless him! What a character he was!

Even recently, I told a friend (he gave up smoking a few years) about my quit. He was encouraging to me but I did not like it when he said that all smokers are losers and thats how you have to view every smoker from now on... i.e. Look at all smokers as losers! That somehow, he is now a winner and that everyone who smokes is a loser. I did not feel any empathy or sympathy in those words of his for smokers. What if I had not quit? Does it mean that he looks at me like a loser? What if I don't make it? Am I judged as a loser? Of course I want to make it but I am also a human and should be grateful for every new day I have behind me without nicotene, knowing that I am only one puff away from nico-madness.

Surely we should have some feelings of pity for smokers . There is a slogan that I have seen which says " There go I but for the Grace of God!" I feel that we ought not to be too over confident in our quit. I tell myself " Come on! The nicodemon has trapped me for so long and its so cunning. What makes me think it is still not cunning and just round the corner waiting to take me captive again through that one puff- and to be dragged into the quagmire again" Do I really want to start to amplify by 10X the whole nicotene addiction cycle. To give nicotene a much louder voice in my life by playing with him in small amounts whether its less tar in ciggies, vaping, chewing, dipping, gumming etc etc. Its all just nicotene in the end and I'm sorry nicotene I cannot dance with you anymore, even if its just a short one.

I remember hearing stories from ex smokers like " I just quit and never looked back!" .. well, thats not my story at all. I honestly don't think you are as addicted to nicotene as I am if you can simply start and stop. Maybe you can but I'm not like that at all. I can't do what you can do and so my hat is off to you and I'll concede in believing your willpower is much greater than mine since you have the ability to smoke any time you want and to stop any time you want.

Deep down inside I do not want to stop smoking but even deeper than that is a need to quit. Over 2 months ago I got to a point where I was sick and tired of being breathless. I often got stressed (as I have a very stressful job) and I'd get panic attacks. When I quit smoking, the panic attacks got worse for a while. During those panic attacks, my mind was telling me I needed some nicotene but my better senses were telling me to stay away. I'm happy to say that the longer I've quit, the easier it is becoming. I'm getting a little stressed now and again but have not had a panic attack anywhere near what I had before.

Health scares do not really work on me. Who knows how many public warnings I've seen on cigarette packets and how many times people have told me how bad cigarettes are for me in the last few decades of smoking. No, I guess this time round I wanted to quit because I want to feel better. I want to breathe better and not be dragged down by a nicotene addiction. I want the nicodemon off my back!!

Report abuse

6 Comments

Showing oldest to newest. Swap comments order
  • IC May 06, 2016 | 5:27
    I wish I quit ten years ago, but seems I do not quit anything till I look over the edge and that's what I read here about breathing and mine is not good , 37 days after stopping it seems worse, but reality is I was not far off dragging a bottle around with me.

    smoking is a slow drawn out death and if that's what you are wanting from smoking then keep going.

    life is to short and how many chances do or can I expect , I have had my fair share and that's the other thing I read in this post getting cocky is not good its probably worse.

    so yes I am sick but it could be worse, I need to understand that I was near the point of no return and maybe my lungs will not heal maybe I went to far, I hope not but its a possibility as my breathing has not improved.

    guess the point is and hope that's what MC was getting at also is please if your reading this quit while you have time as we may think we still have time it comes around fast where we might just run out.

    so thank you everyone who shares on here it helps me no end and today has been a real hard one for me and I have had no need for a cigarette, these are the days that build diamonds the easy ones are easy the hard ones they build strength for the future.

    IC
  • manchild May 06, 2016 | 8:01
    For what its worth, I just read somewhere " STARTING about a month after you quit your lungs BEGIN to repair"
    I'm wondering if my lungs are repairing? I guess I can safely say I'm not getting worse. I hate the panic attacks and know I'm getting further away from them each day I move further away from the last smoke.

    I think am stubborn enough to keep up with the walking and cycling without over stressing myself. My sleep patterns are still crazy and I woke up at 4.am feeling tired, so I decided to cycle round the neighbourhood and try to find hidden alleys to keep it interesting while thinking about lots of things and nothing at the same time ;) I am going to try and stay away from the pub this weekend. I don't think that getting drunk as an excuse because I can't smoke is not a good idea. I wonder what I am going to do with myself? I never mentioned here that I am often gambling and I have not gambled for more than 2 months as well. I loved going to the casino and smoking. I never liked gambling without a cigarette, so maybe I don't need to learn to gamble without a cigarette and just classify gambling and smoking as bad for me!! I read somewhere that most of the money the casinos make is from smokers. Where I live, smoking is banned indoors, except for casinos. I guess the casino owners are not stupid and know that they can't survive without lobbying governments to have smoking sections.

    I'm back home now and just popped a multi vitamin B bill with iron for good luck. No idea if they help me but I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain since smoking does not do anything good for me at all, no matter what the condition.

    Good luck to you all and have a great weekend. I wish for us all to make it through this weekend with an even stronger resolve on Monday because that is what is what I wish for myself!
  • manchild May 06, 2016 | 8:03
    I made a typo but I guess no one is going to kill me for it. I meant to say - I don't think that getting drunk as an excuse because I can't smoke is a good idea.
  • CharlieChips May 06, 2016 | 14:45
    "Deep down inside I do not want to stop smoking but even deeper than that is a need to quit." - perfect statement to sum up how I feel. Thank you for posting, it is really helping right now.
  • Anne55, Southern NSW May 06, 2016 | 19:49
    Thank you for sharing Man Child. I remember telling a non smoking friend that I had quit..did me undone again. What would you do that for???She said. Never understood the addiction. Guess I should have known that.Yes it is one day at a time. Have a great smoke free weekend.
    What are you going to do with yourself? Go for a great walk, reward yourself with that. I wish that I had done that some time ago. Just do it. While you can.
  • manchild May 06, 2016 | 21:27
    Hi Anne55,
    You made me think about something. When we tell people who don't understand its like talking to the wall. At least we are safe here cause we can understand each other better.

You need to register or log in to leave a comment.