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Back at work and glad the wretched weekend is over. I find the weekends the most challenging as they are less structured and there are so many memories lurking in every corner. On Saturday I simply wept all morning. There was no particular reason but I have been on the verge of tears or crying for the last five days. What helped was going for long walks, meditating using the Headspace app and getting a couple of chores done that I had put off for about a year (or two). Oh .. and laughing with friends about how ridiculous I am is good for the soul.
One of the things I have realized is that I have to be with people. I am absolutely fine if I am with other people but the times when I am on my own are when that wily, old craving finds its way into my head. I know if I continue to resist I will get better at resisting (I already am) and there will be less to resist. I just respect the fight of my opponent because it is fierce and doesn't give up easily.
If all of this sounds miserable then I am misrepresenting the situation. There are loads of time when I feel carefree and relaxed and when I am so glad I am not spending a fortune to remain a social pariah. Most of the time I can observe this battle against addiction with a great deal of interest and curiosity. It's as though I am outside my body and I can't quite believe that I am one of the contenders in the ring - and that I am winning. However, there are those moments which are just plain crap and in those moments I am fully inside my body.
Still, it is pretty great to be approaching a calendar month and I am quite sure that the support on this site is the best weapon I have in the battle.
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