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Last night was bad. I wanted a smoke, my husband tried to make light of it. I went outside and screamed, i screamed to the stars i ran around the block. The urge was gone. I rubbed my patch and thanked it for doing its job. That little square flesh colored thing and me have a weird relationship i know i couldnt do this without it but i hate it at the same time. That little square thing of nicotine it releases what i want out of my body into my body i can feel the nicotine leave the patch and enter my body, my arm tingles its in my blood.
Today i ran into a friend, a friend i havent seen in about 2 weeks. She asks me if i had a lighter i say i dont smoke she laughs and says since when? 5 days i say i want to scream 5 days im so happy she laughs she has found he lighter and sparks up i watch as she breaths in the smoke it curls around her tounge. She ask how? I lift up my sleeve and show her the little flesh colored square she says I'm a cheat only cold turkey works that I am doing it all wrong she has a puff again and smokes comes out her nose. I look at her she looks sad, i can she it in her eyes like only people who have smoke knows her fingers are yellow, her teeth stained, and god she stinks. I want to give a cuddle tell her that when her time comes to quit she will be ready that the otherside of that cloud os smoke feels good, its clean fresh, people are happy. She looks at me again and says well your boring now laughs gives me a kiss and off she goes i can see the cig burning between her fingers as she walks away waving. I stand there and look at myself I am happy, i can smell my perfume from this morning it makes me smile, i smell my hands and my hair they smell clean. I smile and know this is it. This is my way and i am on the other side.
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