Stories & experiences

Hunter New England

OK so I didn't do what I said I would

Posted in Hints and tips 04 May 2013

I checked in here, but the script for the Champix is still sitting in my bag. Am I my own worst enemy?What stopped me from getting that script? It was that I am scared, like little kid who just doesn't want to give up her toy. Whatever happens I will at least make a commitment to recording my feelings about this battle here. I managed to give up last time about three years ago for a whole six years using a quit smoking program. Took it back up again when my dog died. However I was just waiting for an excuse all that time. I stashed a packet of cigs many years before, that someone left behind accidentally. No thought went with it at the time, but I think my subconscious smoker self has sabotaged my efforts to stay smoke free. It is this same self now, that gets up and goes to get a new packet every time My rational self says no more. It is like a bloody zombie, shuts down all rational thinking and gets a packet, then sighs a great relief and says "I'll quit when this packet finishes. Am i crazy or what?There is social aspect to this as well. Cigs make you a social outcast, well the fact that I am ashamed of smoking is making me so. Yet it is social connections that I need most, but I sabotage myself because I am also scared of connecting with people. I feel like a victim, if I go I wont be able to smoke. But I actually really loath smoking, I know it is keeping me enslaved and slowly killing me. It is like self fulfilling prophecy. I am scared of being alone, so I isolate myself. I am scared of dying, so I am killing myself. What a messed up person?! OK lets just make a plan. There is only one person who is pressuring me. So today I don't have to quit, I just have to finally buy those champix. I don't even have to take them if I don't want to. All pressure is off. I will just do two things, buy the tablets and write in here every day. See if putting down my thoughts will help (I know it will). If I don't mange to quit, at least I will examine why I chose not to one day at a time. Hopefully it will give voice to my rational thoughts, so to speak finding my will so I can start exercising it more.Does this sound like Luny, or can anyone relate?Cheers Kati

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  • Sami, Hunter New England May 04, 2013 | 10:19
    Kati! I felt and still feel the same way as you do. But after being on Champix for 3 weeks I'm now on my 10th day smoke free. I have up using Champix a few years ago and like you something horrible happened and I straight away picked up smoking again. Please go buy the Champix and give it a go.. You have to keep taking them up to 14 or so days, but you will see that you slowly start smoking less and when you do they don't taste as good as they used to and there's less satisfaction. It's just a tablet.. It's not the end of the world and worth giving it a go. Maybe not today but what about tomorrow? Just start taking them and see what happens. You need to get in the right head space and just do it. Keep in touch :)
  • katica60, Hunter New England May 04, 2013 | 10:53
    Thanks Sami. I just came back from the chemist and bought my starter pack. I have also made a commitment to start taking them from tomorrow morning. Thanks for your encouraging words. Congrats on being smoke free. Cheers Kati
  • Sami, Hunter New England May 04, 2013 | 12:43
    Good on you!
    Don't expect them to work straight away like I did.. After 1 week I was still smoking and I thought geez this isn't working for me!! And nearly gave up on them. Then one day it just started working.. So keep taking them and eventually it will work for you, but only if you want it to. Dont be discouraged by side effects because they do go away! I tried them last year and it just didn't work.. This time I was more mentally determined to do it and it has worked so far. Let me know how you are going and just come here for encouragement and write down your thoughts. I found this to be very helpful. GOOD LUCK! Your doing the right thing.
  • oldrocka, Nepean Blue Mountains May 04, 2013 | 13:18
    I think you will do very well katica60, on the positive side you managed once before for 6 yrs you just need a push in the right direction we can help you there.
    good luck
  • Sami, Hunter New England May 05, 2013 | 20:57
    How are you going Katica? Hope all is going well :)
  • goonellabah2002, Northern NSW May 05, 2013 | 21:04
    Hi Katica
    So you bought the champix......taking it yet? If not then I hope you have read the instructions and then you can make your mind up. It took me a while before I went to get my script for the patches and then one day I just went and got them but I read and reread the instructions many times before I actually more smokes after this packet......and now i am just over my 9th week smoke free.....well except for my posting a few days ago when i did cave in that day......all good now cravings gone and patches on.

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