Stories & experiences

Yamba Panda
Southern NSW
2
Stories
26/09/2015
Joined

I know what I have

Posted in Getting started 29 Nov 2021
2 Comments

I've been here before...

I gave up for almost 3-years about 10 years ago.

Since then i've given up for 9 months, then about 12 months, and a few periods of days, several weeks, a month here and there.

I guess i don't have a lot of will power... i struggle with weight as well.

I also have leant on replacements, and other prescribed drugs to allow me the brief periods of non-smoking in the past... i've never relied on my own mind.

Yet, here I am, i have a masters degree, i am in a very highly paid executive role, have managed to persuade my own children never to smoke, support others in their giving up successes, but i've never actually ever trusted my own brain to do the righty, and steer me in the right direction to give the cancer sticks the flick.

I've often wondered if it's all tied up with my imposter syndrome, that serious self-doubt belief that i don't deserve what i have, that it's not really me who's achieved all of this, that i don't really deserve much at all, that i really should be doomed to a life of chronic illness, and not fanfare.

Or is it that my mind sees these horrible cigarettes as my buddies? After all, they're there when i am happy and having the best times (just like my mates), and they're also there when the bottom falls out of my world, when i am grieving (just like my mates).

And those who care will say "but they are false friends", and so how is it that my very own brain tells me different.

This nicotine is a terrible and powerful drug - how did we ever get to this point.

I want to embrace my non-smoking self, but at the same time i just want to scream... smoking makes me hate myself more, and this self-loathing imposter continues to spiral out of control.

I am going to try again tomorrow, but this time with nothing but a battle with my own mind. Wish me well :-)

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2 Comments

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  • NOPE-2021 December 01, 2021 | 9:34
    Hello Yamba Panda,... I hear you,.. quit after quit,... however, all the times you quit smoking in the past can be considered trial runs. Now you are ready for the last and final run. You do need to trust your own brain. I believe you are smart enough and educated enough to know that it is time to quit for good.

    You deserve all the good things in your life. It sounds like you worked for the good things in your life and it sounds like you might have a good support system. All good but you mostly deserve be successful at getting the nicotine addiction out of your life. Let this be the LAST quit. No more Day #1's.

    A couple of days have gone by since your post, so I expect you are on your way to freedom. Stay POSITIVE at ALL times!!! Never doubt that you can do this. You (yes YOU) can do this. Have a wonderful smokeless day!!!
  • Happiness December 02, 2021 | 0:42
    Hello and welcome Yamba Panda

    I should say that you have immense will power! To refrain from smoking for long periods takes much of it. Here I hope you will learn to stop smoking because you choose to. You will not crave what you do not want or have that desire to return to something so vile and evil. You know it is, so why do you think you start it over again?

    You think that you are missing something, or you thought that you could take a puff and nothing would happen. Personally, I have seen others do the same and believe them when they warn you of the trap. My freedom from smoking is much too valuable to risk!

    Smoking does nothing for us and we are addicts. We keep the cycle going to feed this addiction. When we choose to end it , we can. Learn and choose freedom. We love it and you will too!

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