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HELP!! My dear team, I have been over 10 months quit, and STUPIDLY on the weekend I had some alcohol and smoked way too many cigarettes. Tonight my friend came over and I have 5 more.
I am not going to change my quit date because I am not going to smoke another cigarette. The shame is Immense, I never thought I would have to write this because I was going along so strong, no urges, no desire, and now BOOM! It’s all I can do not to want another one.
That’s the thing, you can smoke anytime, it’s not wanting to that is important. I forgot myself, and here I am, scrubbing my hands trying to get the smell out of my skin, looking at my young children and thinking how I have fallen off the wagon and I am not going to see them grow old.
To be honest, I don’t think the punishment helps in anyway shape or form, it just makes you think you can keep going with it because what does it matter now?
Well, I have fallen off the wagon, BUT as life goes on, so will my continued mantra. NOPE everyday, imagining that woman who smells amazing, is free from the dreaded weed, and will not be controlled.
I will come back here every week until I feel like the thoughts (which creep in every day since) have gone. And I will carry on being the non smoker I am, forgiving myself for the glitch and recognising that alcohol is a trigger and I am NOT ready for that either.
Also, I have no friends who will not gladly give me a smoke. So maybe not relying on them to assist me otherwise. They didn’t force it into my mouth let’s be honest.
For all those in my shoes, we have got this!! Take a deep breath, take back control and walk away!
I don’t need luck. I just need to re-focus.
Much love to everyone.
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