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I have been smoking on and off for about 14 years. I have two gorgeous little boys who unfortunatelysee me and are around me when Im smoking.. only becasue when I am smoking its my 'time out' so I suppose they see this as their opp to hang out and talk to mum while im not busily doing something around the house. I hate that they see me smoking, and hate that my littlest has been around it since he was also just a bub on my hi. am so ashamed of this.. I recently went through a very difficult break up. I was hesrt broken and was pretty much chain smoking.. my kids watched me during tis too..
I actually wouldnt look to the general public like a smoker.. I look really healthy and fit and attractive... but I know my health is deteriorating... and my moods are affected by weather or not Iv had a smoke... I hate this about myself.. I can feel my lungs hating it and my skin also suffers... not to mention how much money O spend on smokes.
Even though I hate it while Im s=doing it - the smell, the look, the toxicity around my kids.. I still have a strong need to smoke... I kindof actually enjoy the ritual of it.. Its a time out.. So this will be a strategy... I need a new version of time out without a smoke...
I feel so disapointed in myself as I watched first hand my father in law die a very slow death from lung cancer... a happy vibrant young man suffer stokes and slowly die a vegetable... it was devastating.. and contributed to our breakdown...
If you have any tips for some 'time out' alternatives, Id ealy appreciate them, also any sort of encouragement...
Thank you..Im so looking forward to never having the urge to smoke filthy rotten cancerous ciggies again..
Wish me luck.
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