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Thank you to everyone that commented on my post yesterday. I appreciate that you take time out of your day to share thoughts, experiences, and encouragement. Please note that I am not a "throw my positive energy out in the universe type of person." I want to share my true feelings, my true struggles, and hope that my honesty helps others the way that other people honesty is helping me.
@Happiness, I feel miserable because I liked smoking. I enjoyed it. It made me happy, it solved my boredom. I have done it for 16 years. So naturally there is an attachment. You mentioned that I should feel proud, and I do, making it past the second day, the third, its such an amazing accomplishment because its soooo hard and I have only accomplished this a couple of times before I decide that I don't want to suffer.
My wife does harp at me, I hate it, 100%, but if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have tried to quit so many times. There are other issues, times I told her I quit but didn't, I would just smoke at work, then hide it when I would get home. Not proud, I hate that I lied to her before about it. (She always finds out eventually)
Finally, you are 1,000% right, I thought the only way to quit was to do NRT's. I didn't feel I could do it on my own. That is why I said that this is my first time quitting cold turkey. I have never tried without an NRT. I have never made it more than 1 day without assistance. So this is my first HONEST attempt at quitting cold turkey. And there is so much pride I feel that I have made it this far.
@softly40, your bluntness was received well and I apricate that you took that approach. I do not like that I laid around and did nothing, and your absolutely right about needing to learn to do things without smoking. That scares me though, because so much of what I do in my daily life involves smoking in some aspect. Today for example, I walked 30 minutes to starbucks to get coffee, and some breakfast for the kids. NORMALLY, I would smoke several cigarettes to and from, but today I did not, and I thought about it the entire trip.
The withdraws don't feel bad, there are moments in the day where I spontaneously decide I'm going to go smoke, before reality hits that I have quit, and I feel alot of anxiety for a brief moment, but those are now the worst parts of the day. Thinking about how many days I have gone without smoking, and realizing there are now a lot of moments where I don't even think about smoking, or have cravings, is boosting my confidence and helping me keep the progress.
This whole experience reminds me of a break up. I spent weeks being miserable, unhappy, wishing these horrible feelings will go away. Looking back to that now, 14 years later, and I know I was miserable then, but I cant remember the last time I thought about it. And now it doesn't bother me in any way. Alot of ex-smokers give off the same type of attitude, and its nice to think that someday I may look back at when I smoked in the same aspect, that I was miserable, and I hated it, but it was so long ago, and I don't think about it anymore.
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