Stories & experiences


Day 9

Posted in Quit experiences 05 Jun 2021

Thank you to everyone that commented on my post yesterday. I appreciate that you take time out of your day to share thoughts, experiences, and encouragement. Please note that I am not a "throw my positive energy out in the universe type of person." I want to share my true feelings, my true struggles, and hope that my honesty helps others the way that other people honesty is helping me.

@Happiness, I feel miserable because I liked smoking. I enjoyed it. It made me happy, it solved my boredom. I have done it for 16 years. So naturally there is an attachment. You mentioned that I should feel proud, and I do, making it past the second day, the third, its such an amazing accomplishment because its soooo hard and I have only accomplished this a couple of times before I decide that I don't want to suffer.

My wife does harp at me, I hate it, 100%, but if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have tried to quit so many times. There are other issues, times I told her I quit but didn't, I would just smoke at work, then hide it when I would get home. Not proud, I hate that I lied to her before about it. (She always finds out eventually)

Finally, you are 1,000% right, I thought the only way to quit was to do NRT's. I didn't feel I could do it on my own. That is why I said that this is my first time quitting cold turkey. I have never tried without an NRT. I have never made it more than 1 day without assistance. So this is my first HONEST attempt at quitting cold turkey. And there is so much pride I feel that I have made it this far.

@softly40, your bluntness was received well and I apricate that you took that approach. I do not like that I laid around and did nothing, and your absolutely right about needing to learn to do things without smoking. That scares me though, because so much of what I do in my daily life involves smoking in some aspect. Today for example, I walked 30 minutes to starbucks to get coffee, and some breakfast for the kids. NORMALLY, I would smoke several cigarettes to and from, but today I did not, and I thought about it the entire trip.

The withdraws don't feel bad, there are moments in the day where I spontaneously decide I'm going to go smoke, before reality hits that I have quit, and I feel alot of anxiety for a brief moment, but those are now the worst parts of the day. Thinking about how many days I have gone without smoking, and realizing there are now a lot of moments where I don't even think about smoking, or have cravings, is boosting my confidence and helping me keep the progress.

This whole experience reminds me of a break up. I spent weeks being miserable, unhappy, wishing these horrible feelings will go away. Looking back to that now, 14 years later, and I know I was miserable then, but I cant remember the last time I thought about it. And now it doesn't bother me in any way. Alot of ex-smokers give off the same type of attitude, and its nice to think that someday I may look back at when I smoked in the same aspect, that I was miserable, and I hated it, but it was so long ago, and I don't think about it anymore.

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  • nanarene June 05, 2021 | 18:34
    Enjoy reading your experience. The truer the better for me. Thank you.
  • softly40, Mid North Coast June 06, 2021 | 8:45
    Hello again Soren, I am so glad you opted for a different route than feeling sorry for yourself, yes we have been there too. The mental and the physical seem to go together for some, you can find yourself doing things you never thought you would do, this is something to look forward to.

    You will need to devise something to look forward to every day, it can be a reward for a mental struggle during that day, or it can be a reward for giving out to your kids, with the money you have saved.

    At night think of one thing that brought you joy during your day, this will develop a happier disposition you thought you did not have. There are many facets to our emotional selves and it is necessary to find one (like finding your honesty in writing) to give yourself pats on the back.

    The chains belong in our minds and in our body, the addiction belongs to Nicotine, so send it packing, and learn more about the addiction.

    My quit was many times over a 40 year period, my understanding of myself was the key to my happiness. There are many books and videos to learn from the best one for me was "How to grow to be a happy non-smoker" presented by NASIA DAVOS it is on utube, and you will need your honesty to pull out the weeds in your mind. Keep reading and posting.
  • Bej June 06, 2021 | 15:14
    You do you man! However it looks, however it feels, whatever it takes. I think your raw honesty is fab. Keep on keeping on, it feels soo good when you win the battle, however it’s won, it’s your game. Good luck.

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