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I got a reminder on my phone today that I was 150 days clean off cigarettes and alcohol. But I think on checking this site it’s actually 144.
After my last post I hit a really difficult period with the “junkie thinking”, autumn had settled in, it was getting cooler and I couldn’t put my finger on why on EARTH with all the benefits I was feeling why I was constantly thinking about having a cigarette. Do not get me wrong, I knew I wasn’t going to have a cigarette, but it was constantly on my mind.
These feelings lasted about three weeks in total and If I hadn’t been aware that complacency can hit I probably wouldn’t have got through it so easily.
I realised in this more challenging time that smoking is not a part of my story anymore. It is my painful memory, a triggered memory with the 20
year history of chugging away, this is very likely to occur, I literally used them as a best friend often.
I got through though because like a toxic relationship, when I really decided to leave, I decided truly that I was going to own me from now on. I wanted to be in control of what I put in my body. I want to be in control of how I feel when I wake up in the morning, how others smell me, how I spend my money, pay my bills, handle stress, play. I gave all that power away to a filthy choking smoke, and for all those 20 years of my life, they gave me nothing, not one thing, except poor health, lack of resources, desperation and ongoing stress. They enhanced my own feelings of loneliness as in the end, I was standing alone in the cold for them.
So here I am checking in, feeling brilliant, yet vigilant, and wishing you all, no matter where you are on your journey, kindness! When you got it for yourself, you can do anything.
All the best, until next time :))
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