Stories & experiences


You will hate yourself if you pick up even one cigarette.

Posted in Staying quit 30 May 2021

The other day I came across a story from someone who was hiding their habit from their husband.

The Hiders!!! I know exactly of what you speak. I've been an on-again off again smoker for years -- mostly non-smoker but having left the evil habit for sixteen years -- when I was 25, I would then pick up the evil NICOMAN (a term I learned on this web-site)! I would quit for five or six years, smoke pot and then immediately reach for a cigarette and then I'd be several months smoking again.

This site has given me the motivation to keep smoke free. I'm good until I have an emotional crisis and then I crave that old NICOMAN. I came home one day after a disagreement with my daughter (who's a wonderful woman) but challenging because she's so capable and intelligent. I wanted a butt more than anything else -- posted on line -- and one person said ( I forget who) but they said I would hate myself if I picked up even one cigarette. I keep telling myself that I will hate myself if I pick up a cigarette and those words are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I keep repeating them to myself, and they have been MY SAVIOR SINCE. I am now 69 days without tobacco!!!

Whoever it was said, "You will NOT feel better. You will feel WORSE and HATE yourself!" His/Her words are seared in my mind, and I think of those words every time I feel the urge. Keep those words in your mind at all times. If you pick up a cigarette you will hate yourself.

And this way you don't have to hide, and isn't that a great feeling.

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  • softly40 , Mid North Coast May 30, 2021 | 9:05
    Hello again Goodlands, I am so glad your commitments involve learning from others on this site. I too have given up and then started again, this was done before I knew of any support sites online.

    I had to delve more fully into my own nature and situations in my life before I adopted the NOPE (not one puff ever) into my mind, because the forever concept was difficult for me. This has allowed me to feel that I will never again pick up that one cigarette, even though the mind can trick you into thinking one wont hurt. I does hurt, and most of all I needed to understand triggers of why I still had these thoughts along with the Addictive nature of Nicotine...

    The best video for me was "How to grow to be a happy non smoker" by NASIA DAVOS on u-tube. We are not perfect but this helped me develop a more balanced view of myself and others. even under difficult circumstances, the NOPE Mantra helped me to stop and gave me the space to work things out. Above all this site gave me confidence to continue.

    It is wonderful to be free and not feel that shame, for whatever the reason. Congratulations.
  • Goodlands June 01, 2021 | 3:27
    Hello Softly Forty:

    Thank you for your comments. You seem to be such a wise and kind person with an understanding of human nature. I love reading your posts and comments. We are all kind of anonymous on this site, but while anonymity holds we get to know each other through the words we exchange. You've obviously done some work psychologically on yourself, as I have tried to do. Thank you for suggesting the You Tube Video. I will watch it right away, since I'm trying to avoid doing some work. Nicotine is the most addictive substance of all -- deliberately made so by the tobacco manufacturers -- but addictive behavior has its roots in some deeper need which I have learned about over the years. It's the reinforcement of the NOPE that I'm having some trouble with, because based on past history I think I can have one cig and quit again which is what I occasionally used to do when I taught at college. I would have the odd cigarette with my students in the student lounge and then not smoke again, but I think now at my age, I really have to remind myself of NOPE! NOPE! NOPE. I appreciate your reminding me.

  • Happiness June 01, 2021 | 5:09
    I can only imagine how bad I would feel if I was to resume smoking after being quit now for a couple of years. I would certainly be angry with myself for forgetting how great the freedom that the past couple of years have given me. I can't imagine wanting to jeopardize that and think that we need to check in here from time to time. A reminder of what we went through, to be a happy non-smoker today. Priceless.
  • Jessfreeof , Northern NSW June 04, 2021 | 3:31
    Congrats on staying smoke free 👍 and thankyou for passing along the helpful comment someone said to you I will keep it up my sleeve in case of an emergency 😊
  • Goodlands June 04, 2021 | 9:58
    Happiness and Softly Forty. Thank you both for your comments. I can't remember if one of you is from Canada, but it's amazing that this one site gets so many people from around the world. I looked for someplace like this in Canada and despite our lip service to health there's nothing like this here on the other side of the equator.
  • Bej June 06, 2021 | 15:04
    Go you Goodlands!! Whatever works is such a blessing, wishing you well on your journey! X

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