Before I share anything else, I must share that I am not a smoker.
What I am is addicted to TV, and it is impacting my life in many of the same ways that I see smoking impacting the lives of those who smoke.
I read about the efficacy of iCanQuit and figured that I could use much of the process to curb my TV watching. So, if you will have me, I am eager to contribute to the conversation and support all those eager to being their best selves.
I just turned 60 years old.
For as long as I can remember I have felt myself unworthy. Unworthy of the successes I have had in both my personal relationships and professional engagements. I work tirelessly then on demonstrating how unworthy I am and my "go to move" is to consume/binge watch TV shows and movies.
Looking back over the years, regarding my lost youth and the legion of opportunities I squandered from a distance, I realize how much damage I have done to myself and relationships with others. Fortunately, this is not unique to me: many others sabotage themselves, developing all manner of habits, including smoking and addictions of one sort or another.
I say "fortunately" because it means I am not really any more unworthy than the next person. It means that others have walked this same path and have found a way to recapture their agency and transform their lives. It means that, no matter how long I have actively not been being my best self, there is a path forward for me so that I can be the man I want to be. It means that I am not alone: I have the support of this community.
The first step in being my best self is to acknowledge that it is not a failing of mine that has me thinking I am less than, it is simply a function of the human condition. That is not to suggest that I am a victim; it is to simply accept myself. Having done that, I can now effectively choose to be making different choices. Easier said than done, and that is why this community exists. The community keeps me present to who I want to be and that I am not just worthy of that notion, but also eminently capable of being that man of integrity: doing what I said I will do, doing it when I said I would do it, doing it to the best of my ability, and if I cannot do any one of these three things, be in communication immediately and make amends.
Henry David Thoreau encouraged us to “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” Thanks for giving me the space to unburden myself and take my first steps in the direction of my dreams.
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