Stories & experiences


I am unworthy...not really

Posted in Getting started 04 Jan 2021

Before I share anything else, I must share that I am not a smoker.

What I am is addicted to TV, and it is impacting my life in many of the same ways that I see smoking impacting the lives of those who smoke.

I read about the efficacy of iCanQuit and figured that I could use much of the process to curb my TV watching. So, if you will have me, I am eager to contribute to the conversation and support all those eager to being their best selves.

I just turned 60 years old.

For as long as I can remember I have felt myself unworthy. Unworthy of the successes I have had in both my personal relationships and professional engagements. I work tirelessly then on demonstrating how unworthy I am and my "go to move" is to consume/binge watch TV shows and movies.

Looking back over the years, regarding my lost youth and the legion of opportunities I squandered from a distance, I realize how much damage I have done to myself and relationships with others. Fortunately, this is not unique to me: many others sabotage themselves, developing all manner of habits, including smoking and addictions of one sort or another.

I say "fortunately" because it means I am not really any more unworthy than the next person. It means that others have walked this same path and have found a way to recapture their agency and transform their lives. It means that, no matter how long I have actively not been being my best self, there is a path forward for me so that I can be the man I want to be. It means that I am not alone: I have the support of this community.

The first step in being my best self is to acknowledge that it is not a failing of mine that has me thinking I am less than, it is simply a function of the human condition. That is not to suggest that I am a victim; it is to simply accept myself. Having done that, I can now effectively choose to be making different choices. Easier said than done, and that is why this community exists. The community keeps me present to who I want to be and that I am not just worthy of that notion, but also eminently capable of being that man of integrity: doing what I said I will do, doing it when I said I would do it, doing it to the best of my ability, and if I cannot do any one of these three things, be in communication immediately and make amends.

Henry David Thoreau encouraged us to “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” Thanks for giving me the space to unburden myself and take my first steps in the direction of my dreams.

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  • softly40, Mid North Coast January 04, 2021 | 7:57
    Hello Avidd3. Such a heartfelt and beautiful post, I had to reply. We have to overcome not just the habitual side of the problem, but also the physical side, this takes a lot of attention as we venture into our new life, just like you will. Nicotine is the enemy NO 1, and we have enslaved ourselves and spent money as if we were millionaires, with no future prospects of getting our health and money back. Of course this had to change, when we understood ourselves and our behaviour and worked on the actual physical side. I would guess many people would be feeling as you do, especially now that some of us have to remain at home and invent a new life for ourselves.

    I gave up TV a very long time ago, simply because I didn't want to look at advertisements, and the alternatives for a healthier life were in my control, I succeeded in doing this and have read studied and ventured out into the world with a different view than before, so this can be done. With any radical change, we need to respond with open and honest communication with ourselves and then to others but the key is not with a cynical approach but a loving one towards others as we change our outlook.

    If you let it, you will find this interesting as you go along, if you write out or speak out your intentions and obstacles without blaming yourself in the process.

    I must say this is a forum which is like no other than it wants everyone to give the Nicotine drug the flick, forever. With movies and TV just watch the ones that hold interest, and go join a library. Good luck
  • Robn January 04, 2021 | 11:58
    Hi Avid and welcome....your post was amazing. You know what you want, now how to get it.....easy....we want what we want and we are not interested in what we truly do not desire. Read, listen to music, go for walks, talk to people and get involved in a community activity that will occupy your thoughts and time. In other words, fill your life with things you enjoy doing and try new things. Your addiction. Is no different to ours...if we want to kick it out of our lives...we can.
    Come back to this site often and let us know how you are feeling, how you are going.
  • Happiness January 04, 2021 | 11:59
    Yes, sitting in front of the tube is just something I once did to relax.
    Then it was out of boredom.
    I get up and do the dishes straight away, as not to think about cigarettes when I first quit, make a coffee and settle down with ICanQuit to see if anyone requires help.....check the weather and plan my day. I also fill in my "diet" calendar to track calories and add or subtract as necessary. Simplicity and routine do make things simpler! I only have internet, so I don't have to plan around shows, but I have been hooked on my soaps when only on at certain times years ago! I love the freedom I have now that I can choose when to sit down and watch. Cut the cable! Watch when you want to! And a bonus of many fewer commercials!

    I walk to visit my parents across town.......every day for exercise (and because they look forward to it) but we are adults and used to obligations, dead lines and routine. Somedays I want to do other things, but deal with Priorities. List your priorities. The things that you could be doing but missing out on are PRIORITY. Television or shows can can be watch at any time these days. It would seem counter productive to subscribe and have even more shows but then YOU are in control of your time. Just think>>>>>You can have it all!!!

    Participating in this forum has brought me much pleasure, as does doing the little things like keeping a nice house for someone you love. You have a relationship and good job and good fortune that you feel "unworthy" of. Find something that will bring your pleasure and draw satisfaction from. Learn how to play an instrument, learn another language. Help others. Learn. I research things on the internet for hours and i hope that will help keep my mind sharp. Puzzles that I can do outside and enjoy the sun.

    Just like we were at the beck and call of nicotine, break away from the habit of watching tv when there are other things to do or time slots alloted to other activities. If you are watching a series....binge til it is done but do not start another. Decide what kind of time is feasible for tv and keep evenings and weekends open!

    You would not allow someone to tell you what to watch...Don't let cable companies tell you when to watch!
  • Avidd3 January 04, 2021 | 21:55
    What a lovely, warm welcome. Thank you to Happiness, Robn, and softly40.
  • Johnnie, South Eastern Sydney January 05, 2021 | 14:44
    Rather watch tv than smoke and spend thoughtless money. Just switch the tv off mate and go for a long walk. Cheers

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