Stories & experiences

AveryT
1
Story
27/11/2019
Joined

Never give up on giving up...

Posted in Quit experiences 28 Nov 2019
8 Comments

I've just worked out that I had 69 non-smoking days in 2019. Kept stopping and starting, but noticed I’d stay hooked for longer when I beat myself about failing to stay quit. I was basically punishing myself by continuing to smoke. Realising this was a bit of a wake up call. Not enough to get me to quit completely, ugh, but I have to trust the process. To be honest, it’s not so much the quitting - the withdrawal symptoms are good for me because they give me something to fight. It’s just this feeling of emptiness that gets me every time. Which is ridiculous because I’m never depressed, lucky that way I guess, and have a rich and creative life. I've tried motivational/ discipline books, just to walk me out to the other side of this crazy-making smoke screen, I’ve tried cold turkey, nicotine replacements, chemical cosh, homeopathy, you name it. But at some point after quitting I enter the void, or the void enters me, so I panic and try to fill it the only way I know how - with fags. Hope this is not too all over the place. One thing is for sure: I am going into 2020 as a non-smoker, so help me god.

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8 Comments

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  • Happiness November 28, 2019 | 2:09
    Is there anything that you might have wished you could do AveryT but haven't gotten around to? Having a new hobby to focus on, taking part in a community or learning a new instrument? My hubby just took up a new language, Mandarin. Learning, I have learned raises our dopamine or feel good chemical that our bodies produced with nicotine stimuli.

    I gather you just joined today. Have you tried a forum such as this before? Reading and relating to others on this journey may be of some help and assurance to you. Learning the mindset and truly embracing this journey may give you the peace of mind that you seek. You may feel lost at some points along the way, but you are never alone. I hope you read and find some comfort and guidance. You can do this if you just stay positive and remember the NOPE mantra, Not One Puff Ever, because we know there is no such thing as having just one. They are like Lay's potato chips. I am sure many here remember the advertisement....you can't have just one.....
  • AveryT November 28, 2019 | 2:38
    Thank you so much, Happiness (#love!). I’ve never been part of a smoking forum before, and just by reading other peoples stories, I realise this could prove to be a valuable resource. I know that addiction of any sort likes to isolate, and reaching out clearly helps break this invisible chain.

    I also believe that positive action helps the overall process of transformation. Hence I’ve gone back to school last Sept, studying Visual Arts at a degree level. It’s exciting and fulfilling, keeps me busy... and only one other student smokes. But she’s much younger than me, and I’m standing there next to this young girl feeling like a huge case of arrested development. Have quit twice in September, but now keep postponing Quit Day because I don’t seem to be able to string a couple of free days together that I usually need for detox. So thinking 1 Jan 20120, although heart sinks at the thought of smoking for another month, spending my student loan on this s**t, etc.

    You know, if I was talking to myself, I’d be the first one to tell her, ‘Procrastination is the worst. Just quit this weekend, get it over and done with, let go and move on.’ Perhaps I ought to give Mandarin a go?
  • AveryT November 28, 2019 | 2:51
    Thank you so much, Happiness (#love!). I’ve never been part of a smoking forum before, and just by reading other peoples stories, I realise this could prove to be a valuable resource. I know that addiction of any sort likes to isolate, and reaching out clearly helps break this invisible chain.

    I also believe that positive action helps the overall process of transformation. Hence I’ve gone back to school last Sept, studying Visual Arts at a degree level. It’s exciting and fulfilling, keeps me busy... and only one other student smokes. But she’s much younger than me, and I’m standing there next to this young girl feeling like a huge case of arrested development. Have quit twice in September, but now keep postponing Quit Day because I don’t seem to be able to string a couple of free days together that I usually need for detox. So thinking 1 Jan 20120, although heart sinks at the thought of smoking for another month, spending my student loan on this s**t, etc.

    You know, if I was talking to myself, I’d be the first one to tell her, ‘Procrastination is the worst. Just quit this weekend, get it over and done with, let go and move on.’ Perhaps I ought to give Mandarin a go?
  • Happiness November 28, 2019 | 7:52
    Lol. I am not sure that Mandarin would help. Nicotine in any language is just as vile.

    I posted a piece called "If you've Givin up Givin Up Try This!" which I call my backwards quit. I was already quit and trying to help someone here that was having a difficult time. I still have no feed back on it but would love to know if you find it of help. Basically you learn to want to quit by making the smoking less enjoyable. When you retrain your mind and thought processes to accept the journey rather than fear it, realize that nicotine creates the craving that we take such pleasure in alieving, and learn to brush a craving off rather than debate with it......all great steps in freeing yourself.

    Fear immobilizes you. Negative thoughts bring negative outcomes. Truly wanting to quit and embracing the idea of being a non-smoker will go a long way in lessening the cravings and their intensity. You will not crave what you do not want. Learn what nicotine did to you, taste it, smell it...resent the cost , the health it steals and the time it takes to do. Smoke anytime you want, but do it standing up, no TV, no radio, no distractions.....just you and it.

    I have also posted a link to Allen Carr's free book on-line, find my piece with his name in the title. (Click on my name right here to get started).

    We can give you hints and tips and support, but only you can act on them. We believe anyone can quit smoking . Now, you believe.
  • AveryT November 28, 2019 | 8:36
    Oh, look - I’ve managed to post the same old thing twice. How very appropriate of me.:) Thank you for taking the trouble to write (I know this is a forum, here for everyone, but I’m still going to take your post and run with it and call it mine). Everything you say resonates. Most of it I already know, yet am still trying to feed both wolves. This results in a conflict only I can resolve, I know.

    I will go and read your other posts now. Just out of interest, what are your thoughts on setting a quit date?
  • softly40, Mid North Coast November 28, 2019 | 9:03
    Hi AveryT. A very very long time ago I also studied at University level in the Arts too, and we were taught many things of which were of great help in our lives, a major one for me was in lateral thinking, and gives you a fresh approach to life or art and its twists and turns. The reality is that any form of Nicotine is harmful, and no matter what life dishes up to us, we can always find an excuse for starting to smoke again.

    If you recognize you have the power to accept help when it is needed without destroying your precious self in the meantime. then you will be able to quit without having another puff. If you can recognise that the cigarette is not the support that you need if you are going through any kind of stress then you have a good chance of succeeding this time around.

    Your quit day should reflect your own schedule, and should be just part of the plan that you devise, but a Quit day is crucial so work out your plan today and set that Quit day. Enjoy your studies without thinking of the cost involved. You can choose loads of rewards to give yourself along the way.
  • Happiness November 28, 2019 | 9:06
    We are procrastinators by nature. I am a big one....lol. I set the date for two weeks as advised, but quit on my 4th day. I do not like to wade in inch by inch, but instead will dive, given a choice. Everyone is different of course. Only you knows you and my outline in my post i speak of gives you control. When you truly want to quit there should not be too much of a problem. Some people have been told to quit or else and that makes it difficult because they idolize the cigarette and resent the control over their own lives. So I try to get people to embrace the journey rather than fear it. Resent the time, money and see how nicotine controlled you far more than you ever realized. When no one says you can't have a smoke, you can think but I'll show them i don't need it.... I can put it off. When you realize that you can do this it becomes a self challenge and a goal for a better lifestyle.

    Two weeks is generally the quit date ideal but you can quit earlier if you are into it. Meanwhile read and learn and above all desire to be smoke free. Have you heard of anyone ever regretting it?
  • TryingTK November 30, 2019 | 5:40
    Love the last line of your first post! That is some inspirational determination right there👌

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