Today"s my second day for not smoking. There are so many risks that we choose to subject ourselves to and think it'll be fine. I'd convince myself that I can take advantage of the gift of life and abuse its privledges, assuming life is a right, but if it were, there would be no consequences. When that realization came to me my first reactive instinct was to be ignorant and reject it. What nonsense I could continue to tell myself. Instead I began to question it. Am I responsible for this? What happens is an internal battle between old destructive habbits to introducing new constructive patterns. It's a war that begins. One side of you plays the victim and blames. You blame everything from family and friends to society and the government. You convince yourself that they allow addictive drugs such as cigarettes on the market,and to an extent thats true you know, the (its every body elses falut) side and the other side of you explains the reality of your situation that rationalizes the facts, noone forces you to smoke, its your choice your responsibility. Trying to weigh up the severity of smoking verses the not so serious issues related to smoking can be boarder line insanity for example ; Iv smoked for 25 years it hasn't killed me yet even though statistically speaking it can and I've even witnessed family members suffer from cancer. I can still convince myself it'll be right (insanity). The more you feed the ignorance, the bigger it grows. That really doesn't sit too well with me so when I accepted and surrendered to the truth I quit. Its like knowing the sky is blue but you pretend its not. I just stopped lying to myself. I don't know if its going to be hard so far I get an urge to have a smoke and I'm aware its a mixture of nicotine/habit that I'm rearranging. Its not as hard as I've heard people say but it's only been 2 days.
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