I am always "soul searching", looking for answers & understanding. I love to learn & I have been learning a lot with my self inflicted civil war regarding the stupid smokes. One of the things I recently discovered is that my smoking habit gives me an excuse to be lazy. I am a mom, a wife & full time employee. Just like many others, I am super busy & nearly half of my daily cigarettes are (in my mind of course) time for me to not do anything else for just a few minutes. So I dug a little deeper (this is what I do). Why do I feel the need to stop everything I am doing so I can smoke? If I didn't take those 10 minutes throughout the day I would be done with my nightly mom/wife tasks (dinner, dishes etc) at least an hour earlier than usual. Which would in fact mean that I could go to bed a bit earlier & get more sleep...wake up feeling better, not so fatigued all the time.
So I did a run down of my current daily timeline.
7:30a - draaaaaaag my butt out of bed (I am always tired in the morning, takes me about 15 minutes to wake my brain up) & get ready to head to work
8:00a drop the hubs off at work & then head to work myself
8:30a - arrive at work. Mind you, I have typically already had 4 cigarettes at this point but I always smoke one after arriving at the parking ramp before I go into work. Now, if I see that it is closer to 8:50 than it is to 8:45 when I finish that parking ramp cigarette...my a** will say screw it I'm going in at 9 & smoke one more. (By the way, I am technically supposed to be to work by 8:30.) I take a half hour break at 11:30a which often leads to 11:45 before I go back in. During which time I smoke at least 2, but usually 3 cigarettes. I have another "half hour" break at 2:30 & I do the same thing. If I actually went into the office at 8:30 like I am supposed to, then I would be able to leave at 5, given that I take 2 breaks. However, this rarely happens & I don't usually leave work until closer to 6 (tsk tsk tsk). Once I get home (about 35 minutes later, during that time I of course smoke 2 cigarettes), I make sure the dogs have food & water, I change into comfy clothes & then it's time to "relax with a cigarette for just a few minutes". I usually get dinner started around 7. I also get the dishes going as well. Depending on what I am cooking on any given night, once I get it started, I take another break. Once dinner is done (usually between 7:45 & 8:15) I feed the crew & take another cigarette break before I eat my dinner. And then there is the after dinner cigarette. At this point it's close to 9p & I am getting sleepy. I still have to finish the dishes, pack my lunch for work the next day & do my morning prep. So now I usually start feeling rushed & anxious. Doesn't sound like alot but the way I do it draws it out. I smoke a cigarette between every sinkful of dishes. I pack my lunch & shut down the kitchen/dining room once I finally finishes the dishes. I go to my room, turn on the tv & smoke a cigarette. Around 10p I get in the shower & start winding down. I smoke a few more cigarettes before I finally go to bed around 11:30p (which I know is way to late but I do it every weekday).
So...if I didn't "treat" myself to those breaks in my routine then I would actually have more time at the end of the day to veg out or dare I say go to bed earlier, sleep better & wake refreshed instead of lethargic. Would that be so terrible?!
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