Stories & experiences

themrsbeardsley01
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Stories
21/05/2017
Joined

I suck at staying quit

Posted in Quit experiences 08 Aug 2019
13 Comments

I cannot get past day 3. Sometimes just the fear of day three causes me to lose my resolve. I just don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. My throat literally aches tonight from smoking. I am in tears, feeling defeated, yet again because of my own poor decisions. & for some unknown (at least to me at this time) reason I keep running right back to it. I am so angry at myself. Why can't I make this a priority? Why does the fear of the unknown (how to be a non smoker) cause me to panic & reach for a cigarette? When is enough finally enough? I think part of it, even if it's only a small part, is I am not a priority to myself. I never have been. I always put everyone & everything else before I do anything for me. This started when I was a kid. I'm the oldest of 7 & when my mom got divorced & became a single mom in the early 90s, I was her right hand man so to speak. So I do not know how to make myself a priority, it feels selfish & selfish feels wrong.

So here I am again...driving myself insane with inability to succeed due to self sabotage. "Yay me!!"

I am going to spend some time evaluating why I make poor decisions. Maybe I can get this figured out.

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13 Comments

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  • Willem, Northern Sydney August 08, 2019 | 13:28
    I think the first part is to not beat yourself up. It never helps, but its very easy to do. Its an addiction and until you understand it its hard to believe you can be free.

    Have you ever talked to a doctor or a professional counselor like on the Quitline? Sometimes meds, NRT or even just someone who really knows their stuff can give you personalised advice that can help you break through the wall. If you are in Australia you can get it for free too!

    I can't tell you the number of times I stubbed out a ciggie saying "this is the last one" until I finally realised I wanted to be a non smoker and never have any more nicotine in my body ever again.
  • Aniruddha August 08, 2019 | 15:05
    Don't beat yourself up. It happens to all successful quitters. I can certainly relate to that feeling. You just have to keep trying and one day it will work for you as it did for me. I am sure experts can give you a more reasoned approach. You just have to keep trying without beating yourself up
  • Happiness August 08, 2019 | 23:58
    Sometimes we are so close but something is missing, yet we do learn from those efforts. The important thing is not to give up. While you figure it out, read Allan Carr and perhaps give my story "Have You Given Up, Givin Up, Try This" a go. At least your will cut down on smoking, learn about nicotine and hopefully start resenting the time they take to smoke.

    You will do this. You have had such good responses to consider. Always thing positive, plan your next attack and be on the offense, not the defensive. You can do this!
  • softly40, Mid North Coast August 09, 2019 | 7:40
    Good advice given to you themrsbear. You don't mention what method you are using, Cold turkey or Nicotine Replacement Therapy.

    It appears you have a mental block regarding day 3. Well here's a tip. Just label Day 1. Day 2. Day 4. Get (3) three out of your mind someway, if you stumble then start always from Day 4. and count up from there. So this means you can have another go and start again on Day 4. Read others journeys this will give you some idea of how they manage.

    I have tried many times, and the only person you need to blame is the Nicotine Monster itself. Once you put the onus on Nicotine and read how it controls your body then you will realize its not any lack of determination from yourself. Keep in touch no judgement given.
  • Nuts August 09, 2019 | 10:57
    Everyone says ' Dont beat yourself up for failing ' On one hand, i agree with that. None of us are perfect, and we do fail sometimes. Pick yourself up and try again. You can do it. On the other hand, i think being a little bit angry with yourself is a good thing. To me it means that you really do want to quit ,and failure is a bad thing. Get angry with yourself . It may make you more determined to quit for good. Look at that little tube of nastiness and kick it to the curb. Say out loud . Smokes will not rule my life. I will do this. I am strong. Forget day 3. It is just a number. As softly said . Pretend you are starting on day 4. Its mind over matter. As Happiness said. Read Allan Carr. His book has helped many to quit. Above all . Believe in yourself and stay strong. It is worth it 👍😙
  • themrsbeardsley01 August 10, 2019 | 7:55
    Hello all. Thank you all so much. I was also on another quit site where responses to my post were far different. People can be so mean & I was afraid to come here & read responses to this post because of the responses I got from the other site. It was so bad, I deleted my account. I am so relieved that no one has lashed out at me for failing, it's not helpful at all LOL. I do not expect to be "coddled" like a child when I make a bad decision, but I also do not want to be called names & talked down to & that is what happened on the other site.

    Anyways, enough about that.

    Thank you all for being human & understanding that I am a human too. I have been thinking on the situation (more like obsessing as we do when we are struggling to quit) and I am still determined to defeat this crap. The whole "start at day 4" thing is BRILLIANT & thank you for that idea. I am going to try that. I have Allen Carr's Easy way on audio & will be finishing that up again soon (It's something like 5 hours so I have been listening to it when I have time to not be interrupted). I have a few other tricks up my sleeve that I have picked up over my numerous quit attempts & now the day 4 idea. Maybe if I put them all together & gather up my mental strength/determination I can FINALLY be free of this.
  • Happiness August 10, 2019 | 13:07
    You will manage to put in all together and with us encouraging you all the way. People with far less belief and preparation have succeeded, even when they were forced to quit for medical reasons and with a lot of stuff on their plate. I had my doubts, privately, but they managed to prove me wrong. They were very positive in their attitude once starting the journey and gave it their all and did succeed admirably. They seemed to outgrow the cravings quickly as well. I truly believe it is about despising what smoking has done to you and accepting the fabulous changes that being a non-smoker brings. Once you accept that and stop fearing it, things go much easier and quicker.

    Your efforts will be rewarded. Tomorrow is Day 4 and closer to your goal which is most certainly attainable. Bellieve It.
  • themrsbeardsley01 August 10, 2019 | 13:09
    WOO day 4 LOL
    (Im such a dork hahaha)
  • Nuts August 10, 2019 | 13:31
    It will be a week before you know it. Well done. Stay strong 👍
  • Catherine anne, Western NSW August 10, 2019 | 16:50
    Hi just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you positively. I think there comes a time in your life that you say to your self it’s time I gave up. My time was 15 days ago. I’m on nrt and I know for sure I couldn’t do it cold turkey. It’s still hard but I believe we have a strong support team behind us here that we can call upon when needed. I’m sooo happy I chose to be a non smoker, I can certainly breathe so much easier already. I would spend $240 on smokes every fortnight. That money is now going to pay for my holiday in surfers Paradise yay me. Basically you can do it and we will be here if you need support. I know i need the support.
  • themrsbeardsley01 August 11, 2019 | 7:56
    WOO day 4 LOL
    (Im such a dork hahaha)
  • themrsbeardsley01 August 11, 2019 | 12:34
    I apologize to anyone getting notifications from this story feed. My response from the 10th seems to be repeating in the replies(at least on my screen). I only posted it once I promise but I am seeing it 3x with differrent time stamps & I do not know how to delete it or stop it from happening.
  • Happiness August 12, 2019 | 8:43
    no worries Wendy, no duplicates on my screen, and as you will be the only one notified of comments on YOUR story, it is of no bother to others. You have more important things to worry about and focus on.

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