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My last update was day 50 and I was so proud of getting to that number. I thought I would feel fantastic. But I did not. I felt the same as I had say Day 10. I had struggled from day 1. Every day was psychological warfare for me. Every day I wondered when will it get better, and surely by day 50. Nope. In fact I hit another bad wall between Day 50 and Day 60. I had 2 days where I had crazy cravings and crazy thoughts. I was so disappointed that here I was last reaching day 50 and yet I was still struggling. But then something happened by about day 60... I finally felt the chains cut away and the psychological warfare stopped. I am now just past day 80, day 83 actually and can say I have felt truly free for the last weeks. I did get there. Thought it would never happen. I feel like I am getting my mind back, that I am no longer insane and teetering on daily disaster. The anxiety is going. I am finding my old self again. The person I though I had lost or who was someone different because they had smoked. Nope the same old me still exists. Such a nice feeling to know I am still me.
I was overseas I the last few weeks too and my partner was smoking as his vape had broke. I watched him be an addict, that need for a hit, the addict whose daily schedule was controlled in many ways by the need for the next hit. The cranky behavior when the break between hits had been 2 long. The distress as he cut over from new vapes that wouldn’t work to cigarettes. I watched all this and had one thought - thank god that’s not me anymore. Thank god I am no longer addicted. I had never known that was me as I wasn’t aware. Now that I am aware, I can see it in others and know that I was that person too. Again, I am so glad I am no longer addicted To nictotine and smoking. So very glad.
My birthday is coming up and it will be day 90 for me on that day. 90 days nictotine free and 125 days quit. Think I will reach for 200 days next.
That’s my latest update ☘️
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