Stories & experiences

Sharn
Mid North Coast
9
Stories
19/02/2018
Joined

61 days - Will I ever really feel normal again?

Posted in Quit experiences 22 Apr 2018
10 Comments

Just checking in as I haven't been here for a while. I've managed to make 61 days today! I'm really happy with myself. Most days I feel fantastic & relieved I don't have to smoke anymore, but I do have the odd day where I think about it all day! I haven't had many social occasions to deal with but the couple I have had have been a breeze. However, last night I went out & although I did have a great night I just didn't feel right, I couldn't relax properly as I once did & didn't feel like myself. It was so annoying, I felt like I would have had a better time if I could have just sat back with my drink and my smokes again. I must admit there were quite a few smokers there so that made it hard. The beginning of the night I was sitting alone watching the smokers and thinking how silly it all was & it looked so disgusting but as the night went on my mind was slowly changing. Do I have to avoid these nights for the rest of my life? Will I ever feel at ease and carefree at a social event without the damn things? I want to be my old self but without them. I don't want to feel like there's always something missing. I met a nice guy to chat to but he smokes, do I meet up with him again or avoid him & miss out on the opportunity because he smokes. Since quitting, I've said to myself I will never date another smoker but we got along so well. Very annoyed with it all & it's just making me feel down & frustrated. Will it ever end.

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10 Comments

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  • Samcave , Western Sydney May 08, 2018 | 6:24
    1 month is a great achievement. The health benefits are the only thing i am quitting for so this page is truely inspiring seeing people with their real health struggles pushing me to not smoke. Like i said i want to give up i want to lead a healthy life but i just wish there was light at the end of the tunnel. A period where suddenely youre back to the person you were before smoking. Its scaring me that people have come so far on this site and even after a year mention it still popping into their heads. It seems relentless and not fair.
  • Ted67 , Mid North Coast May 07, 2018 | 23:36
    Hi Sharn and Samcave, your stories really resonated with me. I have made the 1 month mark so far and also keep wondering when will that feeling stop attacking me. I am fortunate that our friends and my husband are all non smokers - I was always the lone smoker. I have heard that the psychological addiction is the hardest bit to kick so if I think about it logically, the longer we don't smoke, the triggers that make us want to eventually lessen and go away. There's one thing that does help me however: because I have smoked for so long, I have emphysema and quitting has improved my breathing so much in such a short time, I would be quite scared of taking up smoking again. It's just a pity that when I started, at 17 years old (50 years ago) it was the "fashionable and cool" thing to do and now being a NON smoker is the cool thing. Also, you know how horribly honest little children can be - well one of my little grandkids said to me the other night "Nana you don't stink anymore!!!" I was gobsmacked, as I really never thought about that before.
  • Samcave , Western Sydney May 05, 2018 | 21:32
    I can completely relate to the way you think and feel. Everyone around me smokes and its enjoyable to drink and smoke, take breaks at work. I dont care about giving up smoking i care about giving up my place in the circle of my friends and my work friends because i wont be able to stand to be around them. It will kill me to watch and be miserable. By giving up smoking im choosing to not sit outside with my partner and chat im choosing to go to lunch by myself im choosing to say no to parties because whats the point if i cant do what i want to do. To quit smoking is to quit my life as i know it. If i was surrounded by people who socialised by not smoking it would be the easiest motivator. I asked the same question you are a awhile back on this page. When does it completely leave your head. I want to be the 23 year old who had never smoked and didnt understand it. Im nearly 29 and i am so jealous of old me. I wanted hope that it can get to that stage.
  • skipper94 April 23, 2018 | 23:33
    Hello, Sharn!

    I was reading your post and the replies it has gotten and couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. I have smoked among non-smokers for a long time. Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion here ... I am not saying you should expose yourself to second-hand smoke. But I am afraid of encouraging a mentality where all smokers are these disgusting pitiful creatures that we should avoid. Most people here have smoked. You have smoked. A vivid image of the Chruch hatig prostitutes because they symbolised "the weakness of the flesh" crossed my mind ... Psyhologically, if you are so afraid of these things, you end up thinking about them more. And they become obsessive thoughts.

    If you really like that guy, why not ask him if he could not smoke around you? Give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is understanding. If you dismiss him because he is a smoker maybe he'll think that ex-smokers are these incredibly ostracising group of people and he will be more averse to giving quitting a try.

    I haven't read that book everyone keeps talking about. But I know for myself that I will never be able to think like a never-smoker. I have smoked, it was bad. And I want to keep that in mind so I can see how far I've come; how in control I am now. I also use the experience as a tool to be understanding towards those who still smoke. I was one of them :) The fact that you are sometimes discouraged or uncomfortable is okay. To me it shows insight and compassion on your part. In the end, what you choose to do is important. So you didn't smoke. Honestly, that was a very good outcome. Congratulations! Focus on this amazing thing and slowly stop feelig bad for your own temptations.

    Granted, I am merely 17 days off of cigarettes, so I am by no means equatig your experience to mine. But I just hope this slightly different opinion helps a bit.

    Good luck on your journey!
  • skipper94 April 23, 2018 | 23:33
    Hello, Sharn!

    I was reading your post and the replies it has gotten and couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. I have smoked among non-smokers for a long time. Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion here ... I am not saying you should expose yourself to second-hand smoke. But I am afraid of encouraging a mentality where all smokers are these disgusting pitiful creatures that we should avoid. Most people here have smoked. You have smoked. A vivid image of the Chruch hatig prostitutes because they symbolised "the weakness of the flesh" crossed my mind ... Psyhologically, if you are so afraid of these things, you end up thinking about them more. And they become obsessive thoughts.

    If you really like that guy, why not ask him if he could not smoke around you? Give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is understanding. If you dismiss him because he is a smoker maybe he'll think that ex-smokers are these incredibly ostracising group of people and he will be more averse to giving quitting a try.

    I haven't read that book everyone keeps talking about. But I know for myself that I will never be able to think like a never-smoker. I have smoked, it was bad. And I want to keep that in mind so I can see how far I've come; how in control I am now. I also use the experience as a tool to be understanding towards those who still smoke. I was one of them :) The fact that you are sometimes discouraged or uncomfortable is okay. To me it shows insight and compassion on your part. In the end, what you choose to do is important. So you didn't smoke. Honestly, that was a very good outcome. Congratulations! Focus on this amazing thing and slowly stop feelig bad for your own temptations.

    Granted, I am merely 17 days off of cigarettes, so I am by no means equatig your experience to mine. But I just hope this slightly different opinion helps a bit.

    Good luck on your journey!
  • skipper94 April 23, 2018 | 23:33
    Hello, Sharn!

    I was reading your post and the replies it has gotten and couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. I have smoked among non-smokers for a long time. Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion here ... I am not saying you should expose yourself to second-hand smoke. But I am afraid of encouraging a mentality where all smokers are these disgusting pitiful creatures that we should avoid. Most people here have smoked. You have smoked. A vivid image of the Chruch hatig prostitutes because they symbolised "the weakness of the flesh" crossed my mind ... Psyhologically, if you are so afraid of these things, you end up thinking about them more. And they become obsessive thoughts.

    If you really like that guy, why not ask him if he could not smoke around you? Give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is understanding. If you dismiss him because he is a smoker maybe he'll think that ex-smokers are these incredibly ostracising group of people and he will be more averse to giving quitting a try.

    I haven't read that book everyone keeps talking about. But I know for myself that I will never be able to think like a never-smoker. I have smoked, it was bad. And I want to keep that in mind so I can see how far I've come; how in control I am now. I also use the experience as a tool to be understanding towards those who still smoke. I was one of them :) The fact that you are sometimes discouraged or uncomfortable is okay. To me it shows insight and compassion on your part. In the end, what you choose to do is important. So you didn't smoke. Honestly, that was a very good outcome. Congratulations! Focus on this amazing thing and slowly stop feelig bad for your own temptations.

    Granted, I am merely 17 days off of cigarettes, so I am by no means equatig your experience to mine. But I just hope this slightly different opinion helps a bit.

    Good luck on your journey!
  • Sharn , Mid North Coast April 23, 2018 | 22:29
    Thank you all so much for your very good advice......I really do appreciate it and it does help. Yes I have read Allen Carrs 'excellent' book but only once & that was ages ago so I will find it and read it again & then again if I have to. Also thanks Red, you hit the nail on the head with respect, you are right...helped me put things into perspective!
  • Red-67 April 23, 2018 | 1:49
    Sharn;
    It's all in your mind. You are still thinking like a smoker. For me, as you said, smokers are silly, and disgusting. All I feel is pity, because I know, all too well, how their mind is working.. I can see where the relationship thing is a problem, but just maybe, if you meet a smoker, and he does not have enough respect to shield a non smoker from his habit, he's not worth your time ??
  • NotThisTime April 23, 2018 | 0:56
    Hi Sharn,

    Have you heard of or read Alan Carr's "Easy way to stop smoking"? I highly recommend reading or listening to the audio version if you haven't already done so. It makes you challenge all the reasons you believe you want a cigarette. After understanding each and every possible reason you think you want a cigarette is a product of having been brainwashed you will no longer want and therefor no longer crave for a cigarette.

    It may seem with all the methods of quoting smoking that reading a book would be the least effective, but for me, it was like magic. It took me 3 or 4 times reading it and really grasping what the Alan was saying. I used the willpower method of quitting cold turkey and made it through a year being kind of depressed and miserable and continueing to have cravings. I refer to the state I was in as being an "ex smoker". Someone who has quit smoking but still believes they are being deprived. Once you stop believing you are being deprived of something, you no longer crave.

    Finally, the last time I read and really absorbed the concept of the book, it sank in and allowed me to no longer want or crave a cigarette. This is a key concept that makes the difference between a smoker, an ex smoker and a non smoker. Make yourself think like someone that has never smoked before, someone that hasn't been brainwashed by the nicodemon that cigarettes "make you relax", or "help you concentrate" .

  • Queenry April 23, 2018 | 0:47
    Don’t give up and waste the efforts you’ve been doing ! I’m sure u struggled to get to where u are today ! Dealing with the withdrawals is the worst stage of the process so be proud Of your strong will ! Don’t ever let yourself feel weak ! Feel strong ! Be proud of yourself and let weak people who couldn’t quit be proud of you and give them a motivation to quit poisoning their body ! I’m sayu this same thing to myself ! My first day after many past trials and I hope to get to wheee u are now ! Never give up keep going and don’t avoid having fun just act as u never been a smoker ! U will only believe what you feed ur mind ! So act as if u have never been smoking ! U’ ll enjoy drinking wine ! And ur dinner with no cigarettes after that ! Good luck

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